Dear Future Husband…

Turn on the radio, and you’ll hear an all-too-familiar pop song.

I mean, a lot of us probably know it, but have you ever listened to the lyrics?

Dear Future Husband by Meghan Trainor is a very…interesting song.

The opening lines are as follows:

Dear future husband,

Here’s a few things

You’ll need to know if you wanna be my one and only all my life.

 

That sounds good so far. Every person needs to have standards for their future spouse. Nobody needs to marry a gnat.

But what about the first verse?

Take me on a date

I deserve it, babe

And don’t forget the flowers every anniversary

‘Cause if you’ll treat me right

I’ll be the perfect wife

Buying groceries

Buy-buying what you need

 

Annnnd here is where we get off the train.

She “deserves” a date, and flowers every anniversary. If you deserve something, what makes it special? If I deserve to be taken on a date, where’s the fun in that? The best thing about a marriage is that signs of love can be spontaneous. Um, and what about a little thing called humility?

And what about this: If you treat me right, I’ll be the perfect wife. That’s a big if. So, by taking this relationship advice, I learn that

-My marriage is going to be all about me

-I just need to uphold my end of the deal, to do 50% of the work.

I think that we all know that a marriage (or any kind of friendship or relationship for that matter) takes work. You can’t just stick with it when it’s easy. You can’t commit to “just your half of the bargain.” And you can’t give up when it gets tough.

I agree with Meghan in the sense that you need to marry the right person, and yes, someone who will treat you well. (We are all children of God! Nobody is better than another.) But I’d take a slightly different approach to this whole thing.

Perhaps, we should really look for someone who loves God over everything and everyone else, including you.

 

Yes, I will look for someone whose life purpose is to live for God. Not a cute guy who has some religion mixed into his life every week or so. Because, as I have seen in my parents’ marriage and many others’, if God is the defined center of a marriage, it will be able to withstand even the strongest of trials.

Because trials will come. God has created marriage to be a beautiful thing; to reflect His perfect love for us, and Satan wants nothing more than for us to corrupt it.

What else should we do? Pray for our future spouse.

 

They need it. We can pray for their life, for them to be surrounded by good Christian friends, to be a person of integrity, to understand the Bible clearly, to love their family now, to be humble, to love others, to be bold in their faith, and so on. Won’t it be amazing to someday have your future spouse say to you, “I prayed for you, my love, and God has created you to be even more amazing and godly than I imagined.” (Is that not just so beautiful??)

And one of the most important things you could ever do, is be the person that your future spouse will want to marry.

Girls, do you want a man that will put God as the center of His life? Well, you need to put God as the center of your own life.

Guys, do you want a girl who will be a good mom to your future children? You need to be a good brother to your siblings, because you’re going to be a father.

Be who your “dream spouse” will be searching for. Be the godly influence among your friends now. Oh, we can’t flirt with the “bad boys.” Ladies, that’s not what a man of God will be looking for.

Guys, don’t be afraid to be the change. Don’t be afraid to stand out and be a leader. Being “cool” won’t matter in ten years.

I know, I know. I’m only fifteen right now. I needn’t be consumed by finding a spouse right now. (And don’t you worry. I’m not.) But there are some very misleading things that the culture tries to tell us about relationships that we just CAN’T afford to listen to.

For example,

-If your spouse doesn’t make you happy at all times, just bail. It’s all about you, after all.

-Hard work isn’t worth it. If your relationship doesn’t flow naturally, move on. You don’t need extra stress in your life.

-Love is a feeling. When the glowing feeling wears out, well, you’re out of luck. May as well be miserable for the rest of your life.

No, everyone. Love takes work. But it is so much more rewarding than just a feeling. There are so many celebrities nowadays that get married and divorced around five times or more in their lifetimes…isn’t that just horrible? You can’t pursue love as an emotion. It’s not something to be treated as shallow. (Though, it is treated that way far too often.) True Love is what flows out of being loved by an amazing God who gave His life for us.

Love is hard, but worth it. Because yeah, the feelings will tag along, but the root is deep. 🙂 And we can’t afford to forget that!

Love isn’t all about us. Marriage, though it can be quite fulfilling, is about two people committing to each other, for better or for worse. It’s not conditional. God didn’t love us because we held up our end of the bargain.

He loves us no matter what we do, and in response, we love Him back.

Just like our human love, I suppose.

It’s not all about us, or what we are going to get out of it. It is a union between a man and a woman, that God joins together. And it is most amazing.

So, Dear Future Husband,

I am praying for you. I pray that every day you will become closer to God and understand His Word better.

I pray that I will become the woman who God has called me to be, and that He will keep preparing me to meet your needs.

I don’t know who you are, but I do love you already.

And I pray that no matter what comes, we will each stand strong and do what God has for us to do.

Love, Your Future Wife

*aj