Posted on by Amanda Joy Beguerie

Do I Really Trust? Let’s Find Out…

Do I Really Trust Let's Find Out...

This blog is titled Scattered Journal Pages for a reason, and it’s time I use the theme more than I do.

These are my contemplations, and the equivalent of what I would write (sort of) in my journal. My contemplations. Things I’m feeling, and learning, and growing from.

Yesterday (Monday) was a miserable day for me.

Actually, it really wasn’t miserable, but I was miserable. My attitude. My feelings. My outlook. And yes, a few days before, I had just written about not forgetting my joy.

I felt like a hypocrite, I really did. This girl who claims that joy lasts is not living with a joyful spirit.

And I mean, that totally happens. Sometimes we just succumb to our dark circumstances and make ourselves see only bitter dark tunnels with no end.

Some things have happened that have weighed on me emotionally, and I let that become the end.

Some people say they ‘can’t feel,’ but for me, it felt like I was just feeling so much. And for my future, I’m scared.

I have to do my own invented version of self-analysis when I feel this way.

Why am I so down?

I’m down because I’m scared to death.

Why am I so scared?

Because I have no idea what’s coming in the future.

Do I trust God?

Of course I trust God. Don’t I?

Do I trust that God’s plan is best, even when I can’t see it?

Well, I know it is.

 

Yes, but do I really trust? Do I trust that He will bring me through everything that happens to accomplish His plan?

Yes…I think so.

 

Do I trust that even if He doesn’t bring me through, that it’s for the best?

I don’t know. I should. Because I know it is. So, yes.

 

Then why am I still afraid?

Because…what if things never get better? What if my life stays just like this forever? What if I’m hopelessly lost for the rest of my life?

 

Should that really be my concern, though? Okay, let’s say things never get better. Say I have to live with my circumstances how they are long-term. Do I still trust that God’s way is perfect? Do I still believe that God has my life under control, that what happens happens, and that He will never leave me or forsake me?

*thinks for a long while* Yes, I do trust.

The light is what we make of it.

I told myself I was fumbling around in darkness. I told myself I had to be miserable. I told myself I was in a tunnel without and end. I told myself that there was no light.

 

But those are lies.

 

I forgot (temporarily) what the Bible says.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

I wasn’t giving thanks and living with what God had given me. But now I am.

2 Samuel 22:31

“This God—his way is perfect;

the word of the Lord proves true;

he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.”

I wasn’t trusting that as hard as God’s plan may be, that it is the best. Now I am.

Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

I wasn’t trusting that God’s plans for me were for my welfare, future, or hope. But now I realize that they are.

Isaiah 55:8-9

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

I was basing my fear of insecurity off of my perception of what was going on. Instead, I’ve refocused. I’ve realized that things may look like they’re impossible, but God has a plan through it all. That His ways are far better than mine.

The verses speak for themselves.

I want to encourage all of you today, don’t give up on trusting God.

Don’t give in to the lies that hold you captive.

Never lose hope that God’s ways are best, and whatever happens is for your good and His glory.

And please remind me of all of this when I feel like I’m in the dark!

*aj

22 Replies to “Do I Really Trust? Let’s Find Out…”

  1. This is so beautifully written. I am feeling all those things today…lost and forsaken. Thank you for your beautiful message of hope and trust. When I read your words it is like God speaking. Thank you for your work.

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  2. Great post, Amanda. It’s so easy to fall prey to misery – I’m glad God helped you out of it. The verses you put up are encouraged me! Thanks! Happy week 😉

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    1. Whoops! Already found a typo in my comment. “Are encouraged me!” 😀 Anyway. I struggle so much with keeping a positive outlook, that it feels like an every-other-day kind of thing. It’s so easy to stop trusting God, and to see everything from a human point of view. Sometimes it’s scary, because it feels like there’s no hope. But God has a plan, and His plan is better than anything I’ll ever come up with. I have to stop seeing things from a human point of view, and trust God to take care of my needs.Thanks for the encouragement!

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      1. (Haha, it’s totally fine!)
        Thank you! Yeah, I think it’s definitely easier to “trust” God when everything is going great and we don’t really have a need to trust Him. You’re so right. God does see it all, and He has a perfect plan for us!
        Thanks for your insight. 😉 Have a great week!

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  3. I can definitely relate. It scares me not to know what’s going to happen in the future and my pessimism only makes it worse. I always need reminders that God is in control and I need to trust Him. “God’s way is the best way, now that I know He loves me so. His way is the best way, and that’s the way for me!” (bonus points if you sang that. 😉 )

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    1. Same here. I’m not necessarily a pessimist, but I can definitely see the worst in things at times. It’s so great to know that He knows the future and has what’s best in store for us. (I totally just did sing that…:D)

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  5. Thank you for your reminders of God’s words of encouragement. Maybe we all experience these dark places when everything seems hopeless.
    You are so inspiring and I love reading your blogs. Your grandfather always talked about how smart you were. I think he probably started talking that way before you could talk but he was right!

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  7. This was very beautiful and I admire you for kicking the darkness and giving it all to God! It is tough to trust and be happy all the time, and I think it’s okay to feel down BUT YEAH. Trust is important. :’)
    Thanks for stopping by @ Paper Fury!

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  8. Amanda, you are not alone in your struggle with anxiety and fear. We are going through a very stressful time, with an unknown result. That result could take us to a very scary place. All we know is that God might allow this to happen for His purposes and that He will be with through it all. Your insights are so helpful. Praying for peace that goes beyond all understanding for you, and asking that you pray the same for us. Phil. 4:6-7…” Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with Thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” And, Hebrews 11:6… “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists, and that He rewards anyone who earnestly seeks Him.” I read these verses every day. Be encouraged. And keep your posts coming!

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    1. I just prayed for you now, and I will continue to. 😉 Thank you for your prayers, and such encouraging verses! So true! God has a plan through everything we go through, and even when it’s stressful, we can trust Him to be with us through it.
      God bless, and thank you for commenting!

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  10. *hugs* I get this. I really get it. So, so many times I’ll have like this moment of realization one day about joy or trust or something and then two days later it all falls apart again. It can be exhausting, can’t it? But hey, the great thing is, God doesn’t give up on us when we feel like giving up on him. And just because our attitude has fallen apart doesn’t mean God’s plan has. He is always waiting for us to get back up and go at it again. 🙂

    Thanks for sharing! ❤

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    1. Thanks, Amanda. *hugs back* It’s so hard to stay believing the truth when the world around us deceives us! But you are *so* right. God never gives up on us, and that’s such a relief. Thanks for your encouragement!

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  11. Pingback: Finding Security in a Messy World | Scattered Journal Pages

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