Part of what makes teenagers so complex is our emotions. When we’re young kids, we feel pretty much three things: happy, sad, and angry.
And then by the time we’re twelve or thirteen things really start to change – and we feel things like infatuation (which we can often confuse with love) and deeper emotions like stress and anxiety that confuse us so much, especially as young teens.
Like most people my age, I started noticing myself and others more, and was curious about boys, crushes, dating, and true love.
Dearest Twelve-Year-Old Me, no, a simple, silly, confusing infatuation with someone is not like love at all. But what is love? I badly wanted to know.
So if you’re a younger teen like I was, or you’re an older teen like I am now, or even if you’re an adult, here’s a list of things I wish someone told me when my emotions started to grow up on me.
// crushing isn’t bad, dating isn’t bad, marriage isn’t bad – idolizing is where it gets dangerous. don’t give your heart away so young.
// stop shipping* yourself and start living well – if you want to know if you know what love is like, start serving others.
(*for all who don’t know, shipping is basically approving of a relationship and fighting for it, often one that hasn’t begun yet.)
// if you haven’t experienced God’s love, you won’t fully be able to love someone else; cultivate your relationship with God above all else. if you aren’t satisfied with your relationship with God because of Christ, you’ll never find happiness within a human relationship.
// you are worth so much more than just what you do.
// develop what you truly like, not what you think you like because your crush likes it – be the person that only you can be. don’t worry so much about what others think of you.
// if the depth of your “love” stops after infatuation, it isn’t real love – true love is promised on sacrifice.
// true love is putting others’ needs above its own constantly.
// get on your hands and knees and start loving and serving your family; that mundane, day-to-day love will be what you bring into your new family every day.
// don’t let your feelings of infatuation control your thought life – your love life will happen soon enough without you over-analyzing and fantasizing over all those “cute” people.
// things might be awkward around people of the opposite gender, but it’s totally fine – you don’t need to worry about romance now. you honestly don’t.
// love is patient – don’t be afraid to wait for the right thing to come together.
// love is kind – trust me, rebellious, bitter, and rough seriously shouldn’t be attractive.
// love does not envy – jealousy will ruin your joy; don’t fall for that trap.
// love does not boast – humility is such an attractive quality to have, and it shows others that you really are who you appear to be.
// love is not proud – do your best and work your hardest, but don’t let that define you or how you assume others perceive you; acquire a humble spirit.
// love is not rude – if you have to offend people to get their attention, please…don’t.
// love is not self-seeking – real love isn’t about just getting your own needs met, it’s about meeting others’ needs.
// love is not easily angered – if you can’t be patient with others’ offenses against you, you won’t be patient with the person you’re living with the rest of your life. it’ll get hard.
// love keeps no record of wrongs – it’s so important to learn to let things go and not let them turn into grudges that fester in your heart.
// love does not delight in evil – when you get to know God’s heart, you’ll see that evil really is evil, and God hates it, because God is the ultimate picture of love.
// love rejoices with the truth – it’s not easy to forgive others when they hurt you, but it’s so much better to gracefully accept the truth than to be lied to.
// love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres – love is more than an emotion; it’s a choice you’ll make every day of your life, to love the person/family you’ve committed to. please don’t take that lightly. it isn’t a game.
// love never fails – remember where love comes from: it comes from God, who never fails. you won’t ever be perfect, but with God’s Spirit empowering you, you can learn to love as He does.
// human love is ultimately a picture of Christ and the Church – it’s sacrifice, forgiveness, and everyday grace.
// modesty and purity are things to cherish, because they reveal dignity and humility.
// you are a beautiful, whole, person, and if you think you need someone to be your “other half,” you’re gonna be wandering around for a very long time.
// marriage is so much more than roses and butterflies and kisses – examine your heart and your motives before hopping into a lifelong commitment.
To be honest with you, I could go on for weeks about this. I could write so much about my naïve, eleven-, twelve-, and thirteen-year-old selves.
But for today, remember what love is. God is love, and our love is simply a representation of that.
I’m not married, I’m not dating, and I’m not even close to ready for a lifelong commitment to another person. But these truths stand regardless.
Love is sacrifice.
And while it’s not always glorious or glamorous, it can be so worth it when we see it in the right light. When we see the beauty of what true love is.
See, it doesn’t originate from some nice person who’ll sweep you off your feet and vow to make you the happiest human alive. The root of our love is the incredible sacrifice of Jesus, who gave Himself up fully for His Bride (us, the Church).
I’m not going to give you a talk about dating vs. courtship, or what a good age to pursue a relationship is, or what good relational boundaries are. Plenty of other books and articles can tell you those things.
But if you take one thing with you out of the twenty-seven things I listed, please, remember this.
Love is the giving of your soul to another person, and something to be held in high value. It’s not frivolous, it’s expensive. And that is what makes it worth it. Just as Jesus loved us, so we too are to love others – by serving.
*aj
Scattered Journal Pages 
Lovely blog post Amanda! 😉
A few of those sentences spoke to my heart, I will remember and treasure them.
Thank You! Xx
amberbakerblogs.wordpress.com
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Thank you, sweet girl! I so appreciate it! ❤
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Mmm, yes. I wish I realized all those things when I was younger too.
I once heard love defined as ‘giving’, and it really changed the way I think – and your post goes right along with that. Love is a decision, and it isn’t always going to be easy. And to compare it to Christ’s love – He loves us when we’re totally messed up and undeserving. It’s a high calling, but as you said, that’s what makes it so valuable. xxx
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It’s so weird to look back and see that so much of it I was oblivious to. Not that I know everything, but things make so much more sense when you focus on God’s Word first.
I love that – love defined as giving. So, so true. I often think, “I’d rather be married than love/give to/serve my family right now,” but I have to stop and think, “What else would I do with my own new family? Not love and give and serve them?” xD
Such wisdom – Christ’s love is the most amazing model for us. 😀
Thanks for commenting, girlie! ❤
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Amanda,
What I thought about as I read this post, was how God-Honoring your writing is.
I was blessed as I read……please keep up the good God work.
Grandpa Bill
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Thank you so much! It means a lot to hear that my writing honors God – that’s ultimately want to do. 🙂
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That was a great post, Amanda! Though I only had a few months a couple years ago with “infatuation,” I still think that I can take a lot from this post!
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Eep, thanks a bunch, Alyssa! And it’s not like I’m infatuated with anyone now either, but it’s so good to keep things like this in mind for the future. 😉
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“Love is expensive, and that’s what makes it worth it.” Exactly right as usual. 🙂 Great list!
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Thanks, girl! ❤
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Totally agree Amanda!!! You do so well with talking about issues that we can relate to. I love your blog!!!! ❤
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Aww, thank you, Hannah Joy! That means *so* much to me. ❤
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AMEEEEN!!!! Oh my goodness, you completely nailed it. I agree with everything!
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Aah, thank you, Brooklyn! 😀
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Now I have a better word for what crushes are for most people– Infatuation.
I feel strongly about Crushes and oogiling at cute/hot/whatever boys and men. I’m so tired of it. Not only is it a waste of time and rather pointless, it’s wrong. Love is so different. There’s so much pressure in our culture, though, to do just that.
I suppose I’ve never really had a ‘Crush,’ then. Last “Infatuation” (it really was an infatuation. For months he was the majority of what I thought about.) I had was about ages 11-12. Thank goodness it’s over, hah.
Thank you for this post, Amanda! It’s gushing with truth and I want to save every single one of these points and put them on a post-it, or something.
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Gah! Yep, I so get what you mean. It’s so annoying and a waste of time – but hard to control often, sadly.
Thank you for your comment, Jeneca! Aw. I should do that too. 🙂
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Wow, Mandy, you don’t realize how much this spoke to me. (Ya’know, I’m “that age”) I’ve had a crush on a guy for about a year now, and I’m sad to admit that, at one point, I was a bit infatuated. But I recently set my priorities with God, and I backed off. Because, I know I’m too young. And while I can crush, I mustn’t let it get to my head and become infatuation (again). I’m not even allowed to date until age 16, so yeah. I’ve just been praying about it lately, and you helped solidify my decision, Amanda.
Thank you ❤
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Aw, I’m glad, Hann!
I so get that. Being young is hard when you have feelings like that, really.
And while I’m sixteen now, and I suppose most parents let their kids date at that age, I’d rather wait even longer, for the right person (as opposed to just anyone because I “can”). I guess you’ll have to make that decision for yourself when the time comes. 😉
Aww, I’m *so* glad. Thanks, sweet friend, for commenting! It really means a lot. 😉
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😀 Yeah, I’ve actually decided that when I turn 16, I’m not going to say “Come at me, boys!” and date anyone and everyone. I’m plan on praying about it and waiting for God to show me which is the right man 🙂
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That’s a great idea. 🙂 Hehe.
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Very good points. I’ve never really been one to get crushes. I don’t have my head turned by every guy I meet, quite the contrary. I would always only rule out the guys I knew. But still I think I kind of had the idea that falling in love was all about fluttery feelings and being twitterpated. And while that often comes along with it, that’s not what true love is.
“Love is…putting someone else’s needs before your own.”
I’ve been trying to figure out exactly what love is. It’s not all about attraction, I think true love is more about caring deeply about a person. About wanting to help them, be there for them, support them in their life. It should be about being a true friend, a real best friend forever, one that’s closer than the rest of their earthly friends. Being willing to give up your own desires for what’s best for those you love. Wanting to serve, not to be served. True love is sacrificial agape love, not infatuation. When two people are going to get married, there should be physical attraction, but that should not be the root of the relationship. It should be rooted in agape love. Love isn’t something you feel, it’s something you do.
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I feel you. The culture puts love (as in fluttery feelings) on such a pedestal, as if it’s the pinnacle of happiness. So it’s hard to train our minds to think differently, sometimes.
I agree with that. Very great points. ❤
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It’s definitely something I’ve been analyzing and trying to figure out. I hope I’m on the right track. 😉
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Wow Amanda! I feel like I am saying I love your posts a lot, but honestly, they are just that good! (and it takes a bit to impress me haha. 😉 ) This is quite literally the best post\article I have EVER read on this subject! I want to plaster it all over my wall so I can read it over and over!
“// love is not proud – do your best and work your hardest, but don’t let that define you or how you assume others perceive you; acquire a humble spirit.” <— SO true! I love that! I think I am going to make that my desktop background!
I loved all of your points here! Thank you so much for letting God use you in such amazing ways through this blog! Keep writing girl friend! The internet needs more blogs like this one! God bless you richly!
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Oh my goodness. Wow, girl! Thank you so much! Your comment just made me so incredibly happy. *squeals with delight* EEP you’re so encouraging. ❤
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I appreciate all of your comments SO MUCH. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and give your awesome input – seriously, Sarah Grace, you are such a blessing to me!
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Aww, well, the feeling is mutual. 😉
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This is a beautiful post! I agree with everything you said. 🙂 Sometimes I’m worried that I’m not interested in anyone right now while the majority of my friends are, but I’ve decided that it’s all in God’s timing. Finding a guy isn’t a priority of mine. I would rather be closer to my friends, family, and God.
Thanks for such a lovely message! 😀
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Thank you so much, Melissa!
God’s timing is always perfect, and better than ours, which is such a relief! Those are good priorities. 😊
Welcome to Scattered Journal Pages, and thank you for your wonderful comment! I really appreciate it. 😉
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