Maybe it’s a silly notion. Though I’m sure we’ve all felt it.
Unworthy. Undeserving. Afraid of not being enough. Not good enough to be loved.
Because deep down, we know we’re not truly “good,” in and of ourselves – and that’s a terrifying thought. But that fear doesn’t have to destroy us.
My name, Amanda, means worthy of love – and yet I hardly feel worthy.
Oftentimes I wonder if I’ll ever be “the right person” for someone else – if I’ll be too spiritual or not spiritual enough – if I’ll be too lighthearted or not carefree enough – if I’ll be pretty enough or tall or thin enough – if I’ll be too introverted and quiet or too loud and joyful – if I’ll be a terrible cook and useless housemistress, or if I’ll know too much about housework– if I’m supposed to work full-time or stay at home as a wife and momma.
These things constantly run through my head, with one central set of questions hammering into my mind: Will I ever be enough that someone would desire me? Am I truly worthy of love, as my name says?
And most of me says no.
Because I know the real me. I see all of my failures, all of my mistakes. I see when I mess up and I look at Jesus, the ultimate picture of perfection – and know I’ll never be Him.
But then I stop. I step back, take a breath, and stop – because I remember that perfection of my own merit is not my goal.
If my own perfection were to earn me the love of my God, I’d be stuck – because I’m far from perfect. And yet He loves me. He chooses to love me and see His Son’s perfection in me – even when I sin.
That’s powerful.
He does not look at us to see if we are worthy of being loved, but loves us in spite of our sin – and sees us as holy because of Jesus.
God was willing to love us – and does – because He is good. Because of something greater than just ourselves.
So the question no longer is, “Am I worthy of being loved?” but “Am I willing to love as God does?” When I know that love means sacrifice, love means accepting someone as the sinner that they are – and yet seeing them for the redeemed Child of the King that God has made them – I can learn to love fully.
Love means putting someone else’s needs above my own.
Love means making the choice to work things out, even when it’s tough.
Love means commitment. It means serving. It means honoring the other person.
I can learn to love as best I know how because they’re not perfect and I’m not either, and that’s what makes it beautiful – because our lives will intertwine from the standpoint of knowing that Jesus is the One who makes us holy, new creatures.
Love is beautiful because we are not worthy.
God’s love for us is completely undeserved, completely sacrificial, completely incredible. And in our accepting of His love for us, we become worthy.
I constantly have to remind myself that my innate worthiness has nothing to do with His love for me – and that shouldn’t be my concern regarding my future, either.
Do I believe I’m doing what God has called me to do? Yes.
Do I believe that God has a plan for my life, and if it’s His will that I eventually marry, it will happen? Yes.
Am I continually seeking to grow in my faith, that I might be ready to help raise a family spiritually someday? Yes.
Am I developing life skills now, practicing responsibility and discipline, and becoming the woman that God has for me to be? Yes.
Am I living out the grace of God in my life, and accepting His love for me as the completion of my soul? Yes.
Do I believe that a relationship with God – and that alone – is what will ultimately satisfy my heart? Yes.
No longer do I have to be plagued by the fear that I’m unworthy of being loved. No longer do I have to worry about not being enough.
Because God has made me enough. The blood of Jesus, shed for me, is enough to make my heart whole – one that can truly love another person fully.
I am unworthy in my sin, yet I am worthy because of the cross.
Human love for one another is just a reflection of our relationship with God. It can be incredible because God’s love is incredible.
The longing of our hearts to be loved and accepted is only completely fulfilled in truly knowing God’s love for us – and in turn, we can love others with the same kind of love God has shown us.
*aj
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Scattered Journal Pages 
I LOVE this post, Amanda!! Thank you for being vulnerable and I can totally relate as I’ve had very similar feelings recently. You put everything so well like you do with all your posts!!! Thank you!
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EEEEP, thank you, sweet girl! Thanks for reading, and I’m so glad you can relate too. ❤ ❤ It's so freeing to talk about things, you know?
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What an amazing and beautiful post, and so encouraging to me! This is a topic that I have dealt with a lot in my life, so I really identified with it. I needed to hear this truth! 😉
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AWW thank you, Mary! I’m glad I’m not alone in this. 😉 I so appreciate it!
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Yes, yes, yes. I need to read this like every day. One of my biggest fears is that I won’t be good enough for the sort of guy I’d want to marry. That the only guy who could be right would deserve someone better than me and so I’ll end up single instead. But that’s not true.
The other day, I was pointing out a bunch of my flaws to my mom and she asked me if it was “beat up on Morgan day.” My response: “It’s always beat up on Morgan day.” But it shouldn’t be. Jesus died for me so I wouldn’t have to constantly beat myself up for my flaws. He’s fixed it all, He has it all under control. And like it says in a song we sing at church:
“Your blood has washed away my sin
Jesus, thank You.
The Father’s wrath completely satisfied
Jesus, thank You.
Once Your enemy, now seated at your table
Jesus, thank You.”
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I feel (or have felt) the exact same way, Morgan. Exact same. As if I won’t be right for the person that’s right for me.
Totally, totally, totally. Those are great lyrics – and it’s so important to know who we are in Christ. ❤
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Amanda, this post is exactly what I needed right now. ❤
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Oh wow, that makes me so happy to hear. ❤ I'm so glad, Emily.
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Amanda, I was just going type ‘girl you should write a book’
Then I realized and remembered ‘oh wait you are’
Your posts are always so good and even when I can’t relate I am still like inspired.
I can’t wait to one day read your book and when you’re famous yell ‘I wrote alongside this master piece thank you very much’ then do a sassy face and walk away looking for you to sign my copy or something. And it’s so true about that whole ‘agh I feel unloved no one will ever love me’ I mean since Jesus loves us unconditionally, it’s all we need. ❤️
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Oh my wordddddd, Hannah. XD I love you. Thank you thank you thank you EEP. You’re so sweet. YES I promise, when we’re famous, we’re gonna have a joint book signing and flail over each other’s books and sign all the things, okay? 😀
But yes, so true. ❤ I always need that reminder.
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What an amazing post! Thank you for sharing! ❤
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Aw, thank you Emily! That means so much! ❤
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Wow, so much truth to this. Thank you, for posting this. Very refreshing and genuine.
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Aw, well thank you for commenting! I appreciate it! Welcome to Scattered Journal Pages 🙂
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This is a most incredible and inspiring blog post. Wow. I needed to hear all of that and I can say truthfully that I’ve taken it to heart.
Thank you so much for the wisdom you’ve shared with me, Amanda. Never stop writing for His glory.
-T.
x
tangerinetane.blogspot.com
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Oh goodness, that means so much to hear. Thank you, Tane! I really appreciate it.
Welcome to Scattered Journal Pages, and thanks for stopping by with such a kind comment. 😉 Your blog is beautiful!
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Wow, thanks for that post, Amanda! It really lifted my spirits and reminded me of so much.
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Aww, yay! That makes me so happy to hear. Thanks for reading!
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*distant flailing* OMIGOODNESS, Mandy, I love your posts sooooo much! They’re always so inspiring, and I agree with Hannah, you’re book is going to be A-MAZ-ING. I can’t wait to come to y’alls book signing joint and flail over your beautiful writing and book covers!!! ❤
"I can learn to love as best I know how because they’re not perfect and I’m not either, and that’s what makes it beautiful – because our lives will intertwine from the standpoint of knowing that Jesus is the One who makes us holy, new creatures."
Just wow. I really like this paragraph – it's so very true.
You see, I am VERY self-deprecating and cynical, so I constantly (meaning like at least three times a day) struggle with "unworthiness". I look around at all the girls, compare my self to them, and think: why on earth would ANY boy/man chose this chunk of coal when there are DIAMONDS just waiting to be admired.
But then, I saw this picture that compares girls to apples (XD) on trees, and it says, "The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy." And it really lifted my heart. Those rotten apples on the ground – they may look yummy, they may be beautiful, but inside they are empty of anything good. They draw in them boys, but they'll only end up being thrown in the garbage anyway.
So yes, I'm unworthy of being loved, but that – doesn't – matter, right? What matters is that God CHOOSES to love us, despite all of our flaws.
And someday, that one boy will come along, the one that brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree, because he trusts that God will keep him safe, even if he does fall.
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HAAAANNNNN. THANK YOUUUUU. <3333 EEEEP.
Aw, wow. I know what you mean. It's so easy to fall into the trap of thinking "a good man won't want me, blah blah blah" because we see our inner selves, our baggage, our imperfections. It's so easy to compare our insides to someone else's outsides, which is never a fair comparison. And it's pretty depressing to look at it that way even if it feels like we're being realistic. (More like pessimistic and mopey, but we don't want to tell ourselves that.)
Thanks for sharing that story – I'd never thought of that kind of thing before! That's a really cool analogy about dem apples. XD
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MAAAANNNDDDDYYYY I WANT TO MEET YOU IN PERSON SO BAD :DDDD
Yes, it’s hard when we see ourselves in that light. I try not to, and, ya’know, I pray. But it’s still a big struggle in my life.
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HANNNNNN I WANT TO MEET YOU TOO ❤
Totally. I get that. 😉
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Wow. This was amazing. So beautiful, so true, so real. I needed this. ❤
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Oh wow, thank you, Faith! ❤
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Amanda, this is lovely.
I could pretty much quote the entire post back at you to show you the parts that I loved. You are so right that our worthiness is found not in our abilities but in the cross. When we realize that we have nothing deserving of God’s love on our own, we will truly realize that even the love of God that we cling to is not about us. When we realize that it is not about us, then we can truly LIVE. LOVE. LAUGH. LEARN. LEAN UPON JESUS.
Thank you for this reminder. Your heart for Jesus makes me rejoice!
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Oh wow, thank you, Hannah. 🙂
AAAH you are so right. Beautifully put! Thanks for commenting, girl. I so appreciate it!
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