Why do I even do this?
Deeply breathing, I eke out the words, one by one. And slowly, slowly, my fingers begin to glide over the keys, and I let my thoughts run.
I don’t really know what I’m doing.
Oftentimes, the words come out more vulnerable than I’d like them to be.
What if I’m not living the life I’m supposed to be living?
Oh, here it comes. The guilt. My brain’s either telling me I should be writing more, or that I’m wasting time pouring time and energy into it. Neither make sense, but somewhere in there, I hear a Voice whisper softly, “You are doing the right thing, Daughter.”
But what if it isn’t truly the right thing? How can I know?
I hear that Voice again, soft, steady.
It asks me why I do it. Why I write, why I live for Someone greater than myself.
So I think. I rack my brain for all the reasons I can possibly think of, trying to come up with why I do what I do – whatever it may be. And the answer ends up being so simple.
I write because I’ve been forgiven, so undeservedly, yet so freely.
I spill my heart because I’m a new person, someone transformed, not just reformed to a new lifestyle of rituals and practices.
I write because of grace. I write because when I try to express my words in any other context than in the faith that gives true life to my soul, I just…can’t do it.
And then it clicks.
It’s not ultimately about what I do, but about why I do it.
It doesn’t matter whether I’m writing for eight people, eight hundred, or eight hundred thousand. It doesn’t matter the job I have, how much I get paid, or if I’m paid at all. It doesn’t matter if I’m married or single, kids or no kids, full-time employee or I stay at home.
My heart matters most. The details follow after.
I can strive, I can stress, I can work and I can try my hardest to figure out what to do with my life, and…ultimately, none of it is of utmost importance.
Think about what you feel called to do today. For these twenty-four short hours, what do you feel God leading you to do? Small things, big things, in all these things – let Him lead and shape you in all of it.
Let Him lead you to do the things that honor Himself above all else.
It’s okay to not know what we’re doing, really. It’s all part of the journey of learning and growing, of maturing and getting to know God better, day by day.
Consider the why. Consider what happens when we decide to let God lead, when we let Him bring us to where He has for us to be instead of trying to make up our own place in this crowded world.
Consider that it’s alright to be different, to live outside the box. It’s alright to do your own thing when you feel God pulling you toward it — even if it’s rare, even when it goes against the cultural norms, even when it’s not easy.
For me, I write in a drastically different way than most everyone else I know.
My education program is not well-known.
I love music, but I don’t follow the traditional rules of sight reading and proper breathing on every note I sing.
Yet I love what I do, because it’s right for me. It’s not an issue of morality, but of passion, of calling, of drive, and free choice. And it’s wonderful.
Find that thing that works for you, that thing you can’t imagine not doing, and pursue it. Let God shape you, a beautiful human being, as you draw closer to Him in the paths you choose.
Remember the why.
Figure out your reason for living, and run hard after those things that make you feel truly alive. Those things that bring glory to God, and that bring you closer to Him.
“And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”
And a life like that is beautiful.
Because when we get to the heart of the why, we can rest in the knowledge that it’s not about us, in the end. It’s about our God. There’s freedom in this realization, because the pressure falls to the floor.
No more pressure to live for the world, for acceptance, for love, when we already have it right here.
Never forget why you do what you do, friends. Feel the stresses fall away. Find what you were meant to do, and live your wonderful life to the full.