Posted on by Amanda Joy Beguerie

It’s Time For Me to Be Real Here

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I’m sitting at the counter, jittering from my intake of caffeine, waiting to take a final, and seriously thinking about the future.

 

To be perfectly honest, I’ve been a little disoriented lately. Thinking about what I’ll do next is so tiring, sometimes.

 

Because every time I think I’ve figured everything out about what I’ll be doing and where I’ll be in a few years, something changes. My desires change, my situations change, anything and everything and it sends me into a mental frenzy.

This month so far, I’ve been really considering what the future is for this blog, and for my writing.

 

I. Don’t. Know.

 

For those of you who are newer here or may not know this about me, this blog means so, so much to me. For two years, Scattered Journal Pages has quite literally been my journal, prompting me to think deeply about issues and concepts that I wouldn’t otherwise give a second thought to. It’s helped me grow in my faith – and immensely so. It’s allowed me to grow in my writing and communication, and enticed me to start writing for more than just myself.

 

This blog has been a journey for me.

 

And yet, as this year goes by, I find myself slipping as it comes to keeping up with posting and responding to comments.

 

I try to ask myself, “Why? Why does it seem as though this year of writing is so different? So uncertain?”

 

I don’t completely know.

 

But I do know that this season of my life is a new and different one, and things are slowly changing. New and beautiful things are happening – things I didn’t necessarily foresee coming.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I still absolutely love writing, and blogging, and all the incredible things that have gone on here. But as for the long-term plans for this blog? I don’t know what they’ll be.

 

Right now, at this point in my life, God’s telling me to trust Him.

 

I don’t know what that means, other than taking things one day at a time.

 

Some days I feel the distinct calling to write something – as I did immediately when I woke up this morning.

 

And other days, it may not be right for me to sit down and painfully force words out. As I said to a friend a while ago, regarding the kind of posts and content I write, I don’t want to write just for the sake of writing, and thenceforth make incorrect claims about God or the Christian life because I was too hasty in my thinking.

 

I only want to write what God has for me to write. And no, I don’t have the big-picture view of that right now – I have the small, simple, close-up view.

 

Right now, that means trusting more, worrying less.

 

It means listening to the Holy Spirit more, feeling guilty less over not doing things how I think they “should” be done.

 

It means doing what’s right for each day, not living according to my vision for where I’ll be in ten years.

 

This new season for Scattered Journal Pages involves a lot of trust.

 

So I will keep on trusting. I will write as I feel called to – and I do – and I will follow as God guides me to the right paths, whatever they may be, and wherever they may lead.

 

Thank you all for your amazing support over these past years. It blows me away with every new post, every comment, every email, every new follower (and there have been a lot of you lately – 44 new followers since February began! – so THANK YOU).

 

Thank you. Let’s keep on trusting God together.

 

aj
*aj

17 Replies to “It’s Time For Me to Be Real Here”

      1. Hey Amanda ! I also have not been posting too much on my blog as I used to . Are you giving up blogging ? I hope not! Well I really hope God leads you on the right path and sin does not make ya fall apart morally . – Evan W.

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  2. I am going through the same thing here. I don’t know what my future holds. I needed to read this. Thanks for easing a slightly troubled mind.

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  3. “Because every time I think I’ve figured everything out about what I’ll be doing and where I’ll be in a few years, something changes. My desires change, my situations change, anything and everything and it sends me into a mental frenzy.”

    ^^ Yeppp, I know that. I know that so well.

    This is actually why, when I started my current blog, I chose not to have a posting schedule. I had a loose idea that I wanted to post roughly twice a month, but I wanted it to be when God laid something on my heart, and not whenever I felt like I had to, if you get me.

    You do what God is calling you to do. ❤

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    1. ((Goodness, I’m the worst at responding to comments in a timely fashion. AHEM. Moving on.))

      I like that idea. When I started blogging, consistency was important for me, so I’d actually improve my writing to something at least halfway decent, haha. But now…letting God lead and not having a posting schedule is more important to me, for this season, at least. ❤ Thanks for the encouragement, girl.

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  4. I can totally relate to you right now! I’m a senior, getting ready to graduate in a few months, and I’m honestly scared. to. death. But I know that God has a future designed just for me–the best possible future beyond my wildest imaginings–and I just need to trust in Him through each and every day. This post was a beautiful reminder of that!

    Here’s to trusting in God through every situation big or small!!

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  5. Amanda,

    I feel this so, so much and I do this with my blog as well. It’s difficult to find the balance between “content fill” and writing what you’re called to. Your blog will go through lots of phases… don’t be afraid to take them head-on! And don’t give up on it just because you’re posting less. ❤ You don't have to live up to other people's blogging expectations – just live up to your own. Praying for you!

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    1. Mm, yes! When I first started out, “content-fill” seemed to be what I needed in order to find the discipline to write, and improve significantly…but now, it’s a relief to be able to follow where God is leading me — though it seems to be in an entirely different direction right now. ❤ Thank you so much, Stephanie. That means the world!

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