Sometimes I forget there’s such a thing as a messy faith to go along with my messy life.
And in this moment, I’ll be totally honest – I’m not really sure how to best express what I’ve been feeling, lately. My thoughts are jumbled, my words ineloquent, and the feeling of being stuck permeates my every thought.
It’s quarter till eleven on Monday night where I am, and everything in me feels weary, uncomfortable, aimless. To try and pretend I have it all together, or that my messiness is endearing simply wouldn’t be right – I’m drained, deep thinking has left me unsettled, and all I want is for everything just to feel right again.
As I sit here, I begin to think hard and deep once again –
What do we do when reality hits and our lives don’t turn out the way we wanted them to?
What do we do when studying the Bible seems to leave us wrestling with questions more than finding answers?
What do we do when we find ourselves heartbroken, or filled with guilt and shame, just barely grasping what exactly grace is?
It’s so, so easy to just run and hide. And when we’re safely nestled into the shadows, pray that God would fix everything, make it all right again.
What do we do when God doesn’t fix it?
Often, in our desperation, we cry out, “Lord, you parted the Red Sea! You flooded the earth and yet saved the human race! You created the entire universe in less than a week, raised Your Son from the dead, saved Daniel from a den of lions, and turned water into wine! Why can’t you just take this mess and pain away from me?”
I’ve been there.
Oftentimes, it seems, we’re utterly alone in our hurt, in our weakness and distress. And, as young children do, we immediately run to our Father and beg Him to fix us, to make it better, easier, assure us we’re safe.
But something I’ve been mulling over these past few weeks is this: what if our discomfort is meant to drive us to God and deepen our relationship with Him?
What if His “fixing” of our problems were to allow us be so self-sufficient that we forget why we ever needed Him in the first place?
And that’s a terrifying thought, to me. At the beginning of this post, I said,
“Sometimes I forget there’s such a thing as a messy faith to go along with my messy life.” I do forget it – because I like the quick fix, the easy route. I like the simple, the sane, the predictable.
I forget that peace is the direct result of having a relationship with God – not a button to press, but having my mind stayed on Christ.
Isaiah 26:3
“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.”
Because he TRUSTS in You.
Trust is active, faith a tangible experience that extends far beyond intellect. It’s often messy, because it calls for the active belief in unseen things, though they’re as real as anything else.
Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
And why can we trust Him, in the first place? Because of love.
1 John 4:16
“So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.”
In order to experience His peace, His comfort, His goodness in our pain, we must first know His love and His grace, the same grace that crossed the cosmos to pursue our hearts – that gave everything in Heaven up to rescue our souls – that lost His life to save ours.
2 Corinthians 12:9
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
Our weaknesses become so much more than inconveniences or setbacks, with this in mind – that God uses them to draw us to Himself, to display His greatness and glory in our everyday messy, crazy, difficult lives.
It doesn’t make what we go through easy, by any stretch. Pain often still remains. God still may not make our lives necessarily any simpler.
But through it all? God loves. He gives more grace. He draws us to Himself. He gives peace. He fills us with joy. He promises His presence, and never deserts us. He empowers us by His Spirit to live fully, to chase after Him with all that we are.
And when that mess remains, but we can experience that depth, that love, that goodness in His mercy and grace – it’s all worth it.
Scattered Journal Pages 
Thank you for this, Amanda. I’ll be honest and admit I’m having a tough time right now. It’s kind of been on and off for the last two years. I’m getting pretty tired, and at this point I don’t understand why I still hurt so much. But God does know, and I hold onto that hope- he knows what he’s doing and why. And maybe it is to make me stronger in my faith and more reliant on him.
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Thanks for sharing that with me, Faith. ❤ I understand that tired and weary feeling, and I've been there many times before. Keep holding onto Him, girl, and He will sustain you.
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Thank you Amanda! I feel like you just articulated exactly how I’ve been feeling the past few weeks. And thank you for sharing those verses at the end. 2 Corinthians 12:9 really stood out to me. God truly is glorified in our weakness because it forces is to depend on him and it shows others that we work not in our own strength but in his.
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Thanks for your comment, Havilah!
And that’s so cool that it’s how you’ve been feeling too – I love how God works like that.
Dependence on Him is often scary – but it’s so awesome to see how His power can be so present and alive inside of us!
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This is awesome! I loved all of the Bible verses you used, and you make excellent points. It’s easy to want everything to go away with one quick prayer, overnight. But usually it doesn’t! However, one quick prayer can give you strength to go on. When things get really bad I like to think of Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”
Awesome post!!! – Abi
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Thank you so much, Abi!
And yes, you’re so right – God more often gives us strength in our weakness rather than completely relieves our problems – but that doesn’t have to be a discouragement, because His plans for us are GOOD.
Thank you for commenting!
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What a truly,truly, piece of undeniably incredible truth that you have shared Amazing Amanda. Hard to comprehend at times why things happen the way they do,or things are the way they are.
Thank you for sharing information that is reality and stuff that affects each and everyone of us and how to trust that God has our lives covered. He genuinely cares for each and everyone of us.
Thank you!!!
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Thank you for your encouragement! ❤ I'm so glad it meant so much to you.
Yes, He never leaves us or lets us go, especially when things are tough, which is amazing. Thank you again!
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This is a great reminder, Amanda. As humans we often look for the easy way out – the quick fix. But sometimes that’s not what God has planned. The dark and hard trials we go through here are only pointing us back to God and His grace and mercy. Thanks for this post, girl ❤
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Thank you, Ashley!
Ah, definitely. And even though things are often painful and difficult to go through, we often look back and see how much we grew through them too, which is so worth it. ❤ Thank you!
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This exactly. There’s a song by Kutless called “Even If” that goes “Even if the healing doesn’t come, and life falls apart, and dreams are still undone–you are God, and you are good, forever faithful one.” It’s always good to be reminded that if God doesn’t fix it, that means he has something better for us planned–like you said, drawing nearer to him, rather than relying on our self-sufficiency.
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I forgot about that song, but I love it! ❤ And yes, so much yes. May we ever turn to Him when life hurts, rather than away from Him.
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wow thank you so much for this. you speak such wisdom and truth!
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That means a ton, thank you! ❤
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Fascinating dear
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Thank you!
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