Bible – Scattered Journal Pages

June 7, 2019June 24, 2019

seeing Your goodness in the land of the living.

“How do you reconcile the two? The goodness of God with the pain and brokenness of life. How do you make sense of it all?”

It’s after midnight, and the three of us are sitting around on the floor of our room, Bibles in our laps, honesty hour for each of us. After a long day of travel and unexpected experiences, we’re exhausted and cutting right to the heart of what we’ve all been walking through.

“I guess…I don’t know exactly. I think I often tend to believe that God doesn’t have to be good to me to still be good.”

I pause for a moment, and gather my thoughts.

“Almost this: I know I don’t deserve His love, so I see the love He does give me as a beautiful, wonderful gift, and everything else as extra. I don’t think that’s right or healthy, but that’s how I tend to reconcile it. He doesn’t have to be good to me in my mind for me to still believe He’s good.”

Continue reading “seeing Your goodness in the land of the living.”

May 25, 2018May 24, 2018

Disappointed: for when life hurts, and you’re wondering how God fits in.

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Sometimes life just doesn’t turn out the way we always thought it would.

Sometimes we feel like we’re left with more questions than answers – more waiting than action – more hours of crying than smiling. Sometimes, something that seemed like it would be so perfect just wasn’t.

That dream school – that relationship – that job – that friendship – that trip – that opportunity. When everything felt so right, so God-led, so hopeful, and nothing comes, it’s easy to become discouraged. The question is not, “God, if You’re good, why did this happen to me?” as much as, “God, when I felt like You were leading me to this place, did I hear Your voice wrong? Was I wrong to trust You for this? Are You still as faithful as I though You promised me that You were?”

And as I’ve been walking through this, I’ve realized a few things.

I’ve realized that if I make the object of my joy, my satisfaction, and my hope anything other than pursuing Jesus Christ, I’ll never find the peace in my heart that I crave, even if my circumstances seem to be exactly what I thought I wanted.

I want to be faithful right where I am, trusting the God that’s directing me to right where He has for me to be. Not because those circumstances are the ones I’m dreaming of – but because I will only find true joy when I’m pursuing the Person of Jesus, not because I think He’s a shortcut to achieving my own desires.

For where else can we find hope in our brokenness? Where else can we find grace for our weakness? Joy in heartache? Peace in the midst of missed opportunities, rejection, and despair?

Continue reading “Disappointed: for when life hurts, and you’re wondering how God fits in.”

November 21, 2017December 8, 2017

On Why We Need to Stop Idolizing Relationships, Marriage, & Everything Else.

“Marriage was never meant to be about me. It’s always been a great allegory of the love between Christ and the Church – of which I am a part, and am invited to partake in the fullness of. Of which all of us are invited to partake in. See, it’s this cosmic love story, the most beautiful of them all — and one created, as all things are, to display the glory of God, time and time again.” Continue reading “On Why We Need to Stop Idolizing Relationships, Marriage, & Everything Else.”

June 20, 2017June 21, 2017

When God Doesn’t Fix It: learning to hold onto faith in the midst of the mess

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Sometimes I forget there’s such a thing as a messy faith to go along with my messy life.

And in this moment, I’ll be totally honest – I’m not really sure how to best express what I’ve been feeling, lately. My thoughts are jumbled, my words ineloquent, and the feeling of being stuck permeates my every thought.

It’s quarter till eleven on Monday night where I am, and everything in me feels weary, uncomfortable, aimless. To try and pretend I have it all together, or that my messiness is endearing simply wouldn’t be right – I’m drained, deep thinking has left me unsettled, and all I want is for everything just to feel right again.

As I sit here, I begin to think hard and deep once again –

What do we do when reality hits and our lives don’t turn out the way we wanted them to?

What do we do when studying the Bible seems to leave us wrestling with questions more than finding answers?

What do we do when we find ourselves heartbroken, or filled with guilt and shame, just barely grasping what exactly grace is? Continue reading “When God Doesn’t Fix It: learning to hold onto faith in the midst of the mess”

January 7, 2017January 7, 2017

When God Works Through Our Nos (& believing better yeses will come)

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Sometimes, it’s hard to accept that the right answer is often no.

That ‘no’ is better than ‘yes’ – even when it seems as though ‘yes’ is much more glamourous.

I’m still young, still learning, still growing – and something I’m constantly reminding myself is that yes is a good answer occasionally, but no isn’t wrong.

Vague, maybe, this rant of mine on two English words we utter often. So hold on for a moment and I’ll give you some background.

I like yes. I like saying yes to new opportunities, to traveling, to meeting friends, to taking on jobs, to doing just one more course, to volunteering my time to just one more place…

and yet I often forget that yes isn’t the only right answer.

Busy doesn’t always mean best.

Continue reading “When God Works Through Our Nos (& believing better yeses will come)”

January 3, 2017January 3, 2017

Seeing Resolutions in a New Light

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Hi there, friend.

Happy New Year.

It’s 2017 over in my corner of the world, and after a break to refresh my mind, spirit, and celebrate Christmas, I’m back once again.

I’m not sure what 2016 looked like for you. Maybe it was wonderful, full of growth and love, hope and peace, or maybe it wasn’t that great. Maybe you were stressed and worn, and maybe it was a really tough year.

I’ve seen so many complaints on social media, saying, “2016 was horrible, let’s hope 2017’s a little better.”

I feel you, friend. 2016 wasn’t an easy year for any of us.

But there’s this trend…and it happens every year. We desire to make this new year “our year,” and scribble down resolutions, or come up with defining words, and believe, “If only I work hard enough, this year will be amazing.”

Continue reading “Seeing Resolutions in a New Light”