Cry, Pray, Trust: for when you’re stuck in a season of waiting and need a reminder of God’s faithfulness.

Cry, Pray, Trust

Sometimes all you can do is cry, and pray, and wait. And trust that God is in control, even when it takes every ounce of faith inside you to catch even a glimpse of that.

 

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I wish I could say I spend my New Year’s Eve in a glamorous way. I didn’t.

 

At 10 pm on Sunday night, my family went to bed, and I washed dishes alone, in my kitchen. I played a worship album two times over, and fell to my knees and cried all the tears I’d been holding in for a week. I prayer journaled and dedicated my year to Jesus, and tiptoed into my living room to watch the ball drop in the darkness of my house, holding a flute of formerly-sparkling cider.

 

3…2…1…and, it’s 2018. Everyone celebrate with your friends and lovers, but I’m still over here alone. I flicked on Netflix to numb my thoughts, and played that worship album again as I drifted off to sleep.

 

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God is faithful. The words echo in my head, and as I think about one word that would define 2017, it’s that one – faithful.

 

Over and over, God spoke. Both in the loud and in the quiet, in rooms full of worshipers and in the solitude of my bedroom, He confirmed those three little words, time and time again – I. Am. Faithful.

 

Gracious, good, perfect God, remind me again what Your faithfulness looks like, won’t you? Because I’m stuck in a long, hard season of waiting right now, like I’m teetering on the edge of a cliff, and gravity hasn’t yet decided if I’m going to stay or if I’m going to fall. Oh, how I need you.

Continue reading “Cry, Pray, Trust: for when you’re stuck in a season of waiting and need a reminder of God’s faithfulness.”

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On Coming out of Depression & Experiencing the Faithfulness of God

On Coming out of Depression & Experiencing the Faithfulness of God.png

i.

 

Oh wow He’s faithful.

 

There’s something so ethereal about knowing when God is speaking.

 

Oftentimes, before I leave my house to go be with other Christians, I pray a few things. One, that I’d have some sort of meaningful conversation, two, that God would speak, and if I remember, then three, that I’d be filled with the Spirit and used by Him.

 

And the funny thing is, once I arrive, when I kick off my shoes and put down my phone and start hugging people, I completely forget that I ever even prayed it. And every single time that I come home so filled, I’m overcome with awe at how He worked.

 

I’m stunned by the conversations that left me glowing with joy, how I heard God in worship songs and in listening to my friends preach, tangibly experiencing God’s love and presence in everyday interactions.

 

I heard His voice again this weekend, and it left me breathless.

 

For three days, I’d been praying hard that God would lead me to trust Him. And He has. Oh, how He has.

Continue reading “On Coming out of Depression & Experiencing the Faithfulness of God”

There is A Plan For You.

There is A Plan For You.

10:26 PM. Document 43. 0 words.

 

Sometimes when I write, I have a clear focus of where I’m going. I have some fantastic quotes in my head, Bible verses for reference, blog posts to link to, anecdotes that I’m dying to share, and a great idea for graphic design.

 

Other times, I sit at my computer after a long day of school, karate, music binging, and a favorite show on Netflix, and bore a hole through my eyeballs from staring at the white screen and blinking cursor.

 

I can converse with people over text all day. Not that I do, but that I don’t run out of things to say and it feels so simple. So easy. So great.

 

And then there’s my blog. I love it to death. I love writing, I love my readers, I love being so involved. But sometimes, my words just won’t write, and too bad for me that I created this thing called a schedule, which ties me down to writing twice a week. And half the time, I have no idea what I’m doing.

 

And a lot of times, I feel like that with my life in general.

 

I know how to do a lot of things. I end up doing a lot of things. But sometimes I wonder: am I really doing things that matter? Do I really know what I’m doing? Should I be doing better things? Should I be better at the things I choose to do?

 

It’s a frustrating feeling.

 

As I wrote in a recent post, Don’t Regret Where You Are, I want each and every person alive to know that your life is not a mistake. We can’t go around second-guessing what we’re doing (unless we’re doing something obviously wrong, but that’s a totally different blog post for another day). If God has placed us somewhere, why should we think that we’re not good enough, not lovable enough, or not equipped enough?

 

I have to address those questions in my mind that make me think that I’m doing something wrong, the thoughts that question the talents God has given me, the ones that question the opportunities God has clearly placed before me. Who am I to question God’s perfect plans?

 

I might not always feel like I know what I’m doing – in fact, most times I don’t. I don’t always feel smart, or strong, or gifted. I get lost in my plans for the future. I don’t even hold the plans.

 

But you know who does?

 

Exactly. God does.

 

2 Samuel 22:31

 

“This God—his way is perfect;

the word of the Lord proves true;

he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.”

 

Jeremiah 29:11-13

 

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”

 

God’s plans for us are perfect.

 

If you’re like me and you feel like you have no idea what you’re doing, turn to God.

 

Proverbs 16:9

“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”

 

It’s alright. God is the one in control, not us. God leads us where we need to go. He wants what is best for us.

 

The question is not “Am I doing the right thing?” but “How can I be faithful in this thing that I’m in?” Let us not neglect to do all for the glory of God – and use His strength to accomplish what He sets before us.

 

I’m still learning this, as I finish this post past midnight. I’ve written over 700 words.

 

As that question inches into my mind and laces my thoughts with apprehension and self-doubt, the question of “Should I even post this?” I’m pushing it away. Who knows where my blog will reach, who it’ll speak to, or even if the only one learning anything from it is me. It doesn’t matter.

 

It doesn’t matter if I have a hundred thousand followers or two hundred total.

 

All that matters is that I’m speaking the message God has given me.

 

And that is true of every one of you. Don’t second-guess your platforms. Use them to bring people to our Savior. Let us show the world what grace truly looks like.

 

12:30 AM. “There is A Plan For You.” 767 words.

 

Until next time,

 

*aj