The Blog of Amanda Joy Beguerie
As I learn to live, as I grow, as I experience life – I’m realizing that sometimes, life isn’t what it seems.
It’s hard, sure. It’s messy. Problems arise, we hurt and things break us, and it’s not easy to deal with all of it, oftentimes.
But truly…life can be simple.
I often overthink. Overplan. Overworry. Overdo everything, because I feel like I might mess things up if I don’t.
You know?
Continue reading “Living Every Little Moment: Experiencing A Full Life Right Here and Now”
If you’re American, you are probably aware that Thanksgiving is coming up in two days.
And if you’re not American, you are also probably aware that Thanksgiving is coming up in two days.
It’s kind of a big deal around this whole country, filled with ludicrous amounts of food, televised parades, extended family you might not have seen for quite a long time, stacks of Black Friday fliers, and those Thankfulness Lists that somehow make their way to the table every. single. year. without. fail.
I used to love Thanksgiving, but somewhere along the line, it just got to be cliché in my mind.
Continue reading “That Joy Greater Than Thanksgiving Itself”
Welcome, everyone, to the November edition of the Purposeful Pages Link-Up – and the final edition.
Continue reading “Purposeful Pages Link-Up: November Edition”
Humanness.
There’s something so interesting about being a human being, living in this seemingly endless series of experiences and emotions, events and times of extreme joy and extreme pain.
Life is so beautiful, and so fragile, and we can be so sensitive to all of it.
I know I am.
I’ve noticed this pattern in myself and those around me, of being caught in this awkward middle place of knowing that the Christian answer is that only Jesus can satisfy me – and yet still chasing after these things that I’m sure will bring me happiness.
Because deep down, we all have these intrinsic desires in our hearts. And they’re not wrong at all. Unlike Buddhism, which says “All life is suffering, and suffering comes from desire; therefore, rid yourself of desire,” I say, no, we should keep on desiring.
Continue reading “How to Satisfy the Human Desire for Love, Joy, and Fulfillment”
Friend, find joy in the journey. No, it’s not always easy. But I assure you, it’s always worth it.
Happy Tuesday, friends!
Back in January, I wrote a post called Don’t Regret Where You Are. Honestly, it’s one of my favorite posts I’ve written on Scattered Journal Pages. (Go check it out if you haven’t read it yet!)
It came from a time when I was really questioning who I was. I don’t mean that I was feeling that when I wrote it, but I did deal with those feelings for a few years. That voice in my head that whispered to me when I was in the middle of so many changes, saying “Am I really doing what I’m supposed to?”
So today, while I’m not experiencing this question in my mind, I thought I’d talk about the flipside of this equation. Not just refraining from regretting what you’ve done and resenting where you are, but thriving in the place that you’re in and finding joy it.
When I was five, I told my cousin I wanted to be an actress and a singer when I grew up. Am I an actress? Not by any stretch, though I like to pretend I am. (That and a secret agent. But that’s a story for another time.) But am I a singer? Well, kind of. What once terrified me is what I now do on a regular basis, in front of real live people at church.
And when I think about this, as much as it can make me happy, it’s accompanied by a bittersweet feeling. Because as much as I do love music, and practically live at my piano, I haven’t played my guitar in a whole year. *winces*
And sometimes, that just upsets me. I taught myself how to play when I was twelve, and I’ll be sixteen on Saturday. (*insert happy dance*) I played guitar almost every day. I led worship every other week for my youth group with one of my closest friends.
I played guitar for three years…and then I just kind of stopped. Don’t get me wrong, I loved it. But now, it seems I don’t have the time to pick up one more thing – or even the motivation.
And so many times I equate what I can do with my self-worth. It’s absolutely ridiculous, I know. But don’t we all do it?
Sometimes I tell myself that if I were to have kept up with guitar, playing local venues regularly, I would have gotten “discovered,” or something like that.
However, if I hadn’t played the piano so much instead, I wouldn’t necessarily have been able to do music at my church, because the worship is piano-based.
And whenever I hear those whispers in my head that tell me I’m doing the wrong thing and could be better off doing something else, I have to shut them down and replace them with truth.
Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned this year, it’s that there is a time for everything. Just like Ecclesiastes 3 says.
If I had chosen different things to fill my time this year, I would not have gotten the incredible opportunities that I have now.
So many things have changed in my life this year, and I’ve had to just roll with them. But instead of looking at all the differences as miserable, I can find joy in all things, as Philippians 4 show us.
Because God’s power is not affected by our weakness.
His love is not dependent on our performance.
His grace is never invalidated by our doubts.
God’s presence is not determined by our faithfulness, but on His character.
His promises are unconditional.
And His plans are always best.
And no matter what we choose to do, God will be with us through it.
Instead of moping in what we’re going through, we should make the best of it. When difficulty rolls in, let us use those times as chances to grow. Chances to trust God more. To know Him even when darkness surrounds us.
Jeremiah 29:11 says,
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
God works through the choices we make. Instead of regretting what we did or didn’t do, let us see our lives as beautiful.
Let us look for God’s hand in everything we encounter, and see trials through the eyes of someone who can grow through them.
And instead of filling ourselves with bitterness over where we are, let us find joy in the incredible grace of God.
*aj
In this world, we hear a lot about positivity. We hear people tell us to not let the negativity of others affect our attitudes.
That’s a powerful message.
People say that we should keep our heads up because ultimately, whatever we want in life, we’re going to have to work for. So if we want to accomplish our goals, we must not let anyone deter us.
We must be positive. See the glass half-full. See the sky as always sunny. And move on from gloom as quick as we possibly can.
The positivity message tells us to just keep swimming, because it’s gonna be alright. Don’t worry; be happy. And I do believe happiness is good, but we should have a reason for it.
What I want to know is this. In a godless world, how can we be happy? How can we be positive? How can we know that life really will go on? How can we accomplish what we want to when it seems absolutely impossible?
Forgive me for being blunt here, but this is where I see that the positivity message cannot hold up.
Positivity is a form of self-empowerment: If you think it, you can do it. And that’s not all bad, truly. Sometimes the only thing we need to keep going is faith in ourselves and perseverance because we already have everything we need to do it.
Sometimes, when everyone around us is cutting us down with discouragement, we need to be the ones to step up and say, “Hey, look. The end is in sight. We can make it.” Pressing on toward something is valuable.
So the question is not, “Should we be positive?” but “How can we be positive?”
For me, having a good attitude by just “trying to” is like trying to sing or speak without taking a breath. Pulling the positivity card out of nowhere has no depth to it, no standing, because it becomes just words.
But it doesn’t have to be.
Philippians 4:12-13
“I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
The secret to facing anything is doing them through the strength of Christ. That’s what gives us joy. That’s what lets us go on when things seem impossible. That’s what propels us through the times when we feel like giving up.
Not putting on a mask of happiness, but living it.
Positivity is something we can only truly grasp when we experience the joy of the Lord.
Nehemiah 8:10b
“And do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”
The joy of the Lord. Not the joy of nice things, a good relationship, a happy circumstance, no. This joy is knowing that we are loved. Knowing that His grace is lavished on us. The guaranteed assurance that we are new creations in Christ. Our pasts are not counted against us.
And we know this all because we have seen the cross. We have seen who Jesus is in the Bible. We have felt his presence in our lives. We have known His power.
And so the simple message of positivity just seems so shallow. “Be happy.” Okay, yes, but why should I be happy?
Because we are loved with an everlasting love by our Creator. We are treasured. We are provided for. We are never left on our own. And we are definitely never forsaken or forgotten about.
To be truly positive is about so much more than just feeling something – it’s what we can live in as Christians.
And that kind of positivity is the best of all.
*aj
Dear Readers,
I want you to know that sometimes, I dream.
I dream of a big future, a bright one, a happy one.
As I get older, I’m thinking more and more about where and who I’ll be in a few years.
I’ll be honest, I want to be an editor. Most of you, if you know me, have probably heard me blabber on about that. I want to edit books, and live in an adorable top floor apartment in New York City, drinking coffee and cranking music at all hours of the day, wearing cute clothes, reading lots of books, and hanging with my good friends on the weekends.
While that whole scenario seems highly improbable and dream-like (not the editing part, I’m actually serious about that), there has been an underlying wish there that I’ve had my whole life.
Before I completely reveal that, I’d like to take you back to when I was five years old. My cousin and I were always close, and still are to this day. She and I were at our grandparents’ house, and she asked me, “Amanda, what do you want to be when you grow up?” I thought for a moment, and then replied, “I want to be a singer or an actress.”
I always hated to sing or speak in front of people, because I was painfully shy and self-conscious, but I still had a dream in my heart that one day, I’d find something to really make me happy, and right then it seemed like acting or singing was the way to go.
I love to sing, and I also love to entertain the delusion that I can act. But as I’ve matured, I’ve realized that neither of those is probably the path I’ll wind up taking. I enjoy those things, but I don’t feel a passion for making either of them my life’s calling.
However, I do love words, if you hadn’t already noticed. So for me, it seems like editing would be a good career, at least for the next couple years or so.
And sometimes, when I think of my mental “wish-list” for the future, I put an asterisk besides everything, saying “as long as it makes me happy, which I’m sure it will.”
I think that by having a certain job, a certain sized paycheck, a certain house, certain friends, certain environment, certain material possessions, that then, I’ll be happy.
But you know what?
Chasing happiness is like pursuing a shadow, or trying to catch the wind. You’re always striving, but never savoring what you have.
And while this seems a tad depressing, keep on reading, because I promise that it doesn’t have to be.
I told myself when I was young that when I “became a teenager,” that I’d be happy and free and all that jazz. I told myself that when I finally got a job and paycheck, I’d feel contented that I was somewhat independent. I told myself that when I finally started a blog, I’d feel an overwhelming sense of peace and purpose, and feel like I was important, that I was contributing something to the world, that I was valuable. I told myself that when I started dressing with more style and less Aéropostale graphic tees I’d feel more beautiful. I’ve told myself so many things over the years about what new thing would make me happy.
And I have news for you.
That happiness is so short-lived and shallow, and so easy to move on from as soon as we find “that next thing” to chase after. All those things have happened, and I’m not any happier because of them. Perhaps they’ve added some dimension to my life, but nothing on this earth can fulfill the hole in my heart for something more.
But there is One who can.
If I didn’t have my faith, I don’t know where I’d be. I don’t know who I’d be.
Things don’t make me happy, per se, but I am still a satisfied person, with joy in my life.
Philippians 4:11-13
“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
This is one of the most quoted passages in the Bible. The last verse, at least. In this chapter, Paul tells us that in everything, the key to contentment is facing all things with the strength of Christ.
Now strength may not seem to connect with being content or happy, but let’s think about it.
This isn’t the strength that athletes claim before a competition. This isn’t “I can win this thing because I’m mentioning Jesus, and then I’ll get this gorgeous trophy showing how amazing my life is.” It’s facing every aspect of life with the mindset that we are never alone in facing trials. It’s knowing that life won’t always be good, but trusting God that He has a plan in all of it.
That, my friends, is what brings us to true contentment.
We can chase things, but they’re never going to fill us 100%. Or we can choose Jesus, to sustain us, to strengthen us when we succumb to our weaknesses, to hold us together when we fall apart. We can look to His grace when we fail, and mess up, and our lives are in disarray.
And that’s satisfying to me.
I know that I’m doing right now what He wants me to. I know that I’m letting Him lead my life. I know that I’m imperfect, but He has forgiven me.
That is what fulfills me.
That is what brings joy to my heart when I’m depressed.
That is what gives me meaning, a reason to go on, and inspires me to move forward.
I might not ever be rich, or famous, or have really wonderful stuff. And you know what? I’m okay with that.
Because life is about so much more than just being happy.
*aj
Scattered Journal Pages 