10:26 PM. Document 43. 0 words.
Sometimes when I write, I have a clear focus of where I’m going. I have some fantastic quotes in my head, Bible verses for reference, blog posts to link to, anecdotes that I’m dying to share, and a great idea for graphic design.
Other times, I sit at my computer after a long day of school, karate, music binging, and a favorite show on Netflix, and bore a hole through my eyeballs from staring at the white screen and blinking cursor.
I can converse with people over text all day. Not that I do, but that I don’t run out of things to say and it feels so simple. So easy. So great.
And then there’s my blog. I love it to death. I love writing, I love my readers, I love being so involved. But sometimes, my words just won’t write, and too bad for me that I created this thing called a schedule, which ties me down to writing twice a week. And half the time, I have no idea what I’m doing.
And a lot of times, I feel like that with my life in general.
I know how to do a lot of things. I end up doing a lot of things. But sometimes I wonder: am I really doing things that matter? Do I really know what I’m doing? Should I be doing better things? Should I be better at the things I choose to do?
It’s a frustrating feeling.
As I wrote in a recent post, Don’t Regret Where You Are, I want each and every person alive to know that your life is not a mistake. We can’t go around second-guessing what we’re doing (unless we’re doing something obviously wrong, but that’s a totally different blog post for another day). If God has placed us somewhere, why should we think that we’re not good enough, not lovable enough, or not equipped enough?
I have to address those questions in my mind that make me think that I’m doing something wrong, the thoughts that question the talents God has given me, the ones that question the opportunities God has clearly placed before me. Who am I to question God’s perfect plans?
I might not always feel like I know what I’m doing – in fact, most times I don’t. I don’t always feel smart, or strong, or gifted. I get lost in my plans for the future. I don’t even hold the plans.
But you know who does?
Exactly. God does.
2 Samuel 22:31
“This God—his way is perfect;
the word of the Lord proves true;
he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.”
Jeremiah 29:11-13
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”
God’s plans for us are perfect.
If you’re like me and you feel like you have no idea what you’re doing, turn to God.
Proverbs 16:9
“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”
It’s alright. God is the one in control, not us. God leads us where we need to go. He wants what is best for us.
The question is not “Am I doing the right thing?” but “How can I be faithful in this thing that I’m in?” Let us not neglect to do all for the glory of God – and use His strength to accomplish what He sets before us.
I’m still learning this, as I finish this post past midnight. I’ve written over 700 words.
As that question inches into my mind and laces my thoughts with apprehension and self-doubt, the question of “Should I even post this?” I’m pushing it away. Who knows where my blog will reach, who it’ll speak to, or even if the only one learning anything from it is me. It doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter if I have a hundred thousand followers or two hundred total.
All that matters is that I’m speaking the message God has given me.
And that is true of every one of you. Don’t second-guess your platforms. Use them to bring people to our Savior. Let us show the world what grace truly looks like.
12:30 AM. “There is A Plan For You.” 767 words.
Until next time,
*aj
Scattered Journal Pages 