Sometimes I feel wordless.
I don’t have anything to say.
I can’t express what I’m really thinking. These swirling words in my head stubbornly refuse to be made into sentences.
I want to write, but what if I lead people astray? What if my “wisdom” isn’t really wise? What if I don’t even know what I’m saying? What if I never live out the advice that I give?
These thoughts cloud my mind when I try to write each day.
What if I’m not good enough? What if my vision for my writing gets in the way of what I should be saying?
I know I shouldn’t think these things. Because I know that I need to be doing this. God has called me to do this. To lean on him for strength when my words are not enough. (Because they won’t be. My life is lived in His strength.)
However, I don’t want to just find a Bible verse and pick it apart. I don’t want to just pick a topic and talk on and on for 800 words about it.
I want to speak God’s words. I want to rely on Him for my words to come, and not just force them out through my fingertips.
Sometimes, it is disappointing, because the words don’t come. God speaks to me, and I know that. But when I try to share it, I lose it. (Maybe that’s just me. Or maybe it is a good thing, to keep me from speaking idle words.)
I can’t speak idle words. Idle words – words without the love of God behind them – are clanging cymbals. Annoying and useless for hearing anything.
1 Corinthians 13:1-8 says,
“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.”
Without love – that is, God’s love behind everything we do – nothing matters. It doesn’t matter if I donate $10,000 to an orphanage in Africa. It doesn’t matter if I have a huge amount of faith to accomplish whatever I want. It doesn’t matter if I’m the “godly girl.” It doesn’t matter if I can prophesy, or speak in tongues, or whatever. Without God’s love, everything is useless.
If I write eloquent words while blogging and speak to thousands of people, but have not love, it is all worth nothing.
Love should drive the entirety of our lives. Not just Sunday. Not just at church, or at Bible study, or in a specific place.
Whether I write or whether I don’t, my life should reflect the love of God in every single thing I do.
When I feel wordless, it is okay.
It is better to speak ten words out of love than to speak ten thousand idle words.
I want my life to be rooted in and stemming from the love of God, not out of self-motivation or selfish desires.
I want God’s love to drive my writing, and His will to flow through me.
I want to do away with idle words and only write what He has for me to say.
I want to speak love.