Why I Never Made a Future Spouse Checklist (And Things to Consider Before Making Yours)

Why I Never Made a Future Spouse Checklist (And Things to Consider Before Making Yours)

Happy Saturday, everyone. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I’ve been on somewhat of a relationship-topic kick lately. When We Feel Unworthy of Being Loved, Crushes + True Love: Twenty-Seven Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Twelve, and random posts I’ve been stumbling across online have gotten me thinking about what love truly is.

Continue reading “Why I Never Made a Future Spouse Checklist (And Things to Consider Before Making Yours)”

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Crushes + True Love: Twenty-Seven Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Twelve

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Part of what makes teenagers so complex is our emotions. When we’re young kids, we feel pretty much three things: happy, sad, and angry.

 

And then by the time we’re twelve or thirteen things really start to change – and we feel things like infatuation (which we can often confuse with love) and deeper emotions like stress and anxiety that confuse us so much, especially as young teens.

 

Like most people my age, I started noticing myself and others more, and was curious about boys, crushes, dating, and true love.

Continue reading “Crushes + True Love: Twenty-Seven Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Twelve”

Dear Christian Teens: On Relationships

Dear Christian Teens 1

Happy Tuesday, awesome blog readers.

Today’s post is a bit different than normal (and I do know that I say that a lot). However, some things have been on my heart recently about teens and relationships.

This is a shorter post today, because today is my first day back to school and last night I was trying to get to bed early. A near-impossible feat on a blognight, I know (and I just made that term up now).

But nevertheless, the points still stand. And I’d like to share them with you.

I am planning on planning on doing more “Dear Christian Teens” articles in the future. (Yes, I am very indecisive and unpredictable, so I can’t promise anything, but I will plan on planning on it.) 😛

I mean, this is a teen blog, after all.

So, here goes. Dear Christian Teens #1. In which Amanda talks about romantic relationships. And dating. And other things she has never quite experienced, but probably will someday.

**

This is written like three separate letters. (Have you noticed my obsession with letters yet?) It’s rather choppy, I know, and I’m sorry. But I wanted to alternate. Because alternating is fun.

So…to be blunt…

Dear Christian Teens,

Dating is not a sport. It’s not “marital practice”. We should focus on the final goal when we are considering a romantic relationship – marriage – for our hearts are much too precious to be thrown around like bowling balls.

Dear Christian Guys,

Value the modest girls. The ones who care about God’s opinion over yours. Beauty fades. Dignity stays.

Dear Christian Girls,

Value the gentlemen, not the bad boys. Humility and selflessness are to be treasured, not thrown away.

Dear Christian Teens,

Choose to love someone who loves God over you. If your eyes are fixed on others and not God, you won’t find The One God has for you. You will find them by focusing on Him.

Dear Christian Guys,

True beauty comes from the inside out. Not the other way around.

Dear Christian Girls,

Don’t compromise your purity to be loved. Rather, prove that you’re worth it by staying pure.

Dear Christian Teens,

Love your family. Treat them with respect and kindness. How else do you expect to be ready for having a family of your own?

Dear Christian Guys,

Your walk with God is invaluably important; you are to be a spiritual leader. You don’t have to be a pastor, but God calls you to be the head of your family and to lead them in truth. Never compromise that.

Dear Christian Girls,

You are God’s beautiful creation, and not an object. Don’t make people think you are by dressing and acting without decency and dignity. Never forget that who you are is defined by what Christ has done for you, and you do not have to prove anything.

Dear Christian Teens,

God must be the center of your life. If He is not, especially in terms of relationships, your life will not be solidly built. Form your life around your relationship with God, and let Him lead you.

And Christian Teens once more,

Marriage will not always be glamorous like in the movies. It won’t be all butterflies and rainbows. But love, and the most beautiful kind at that, is a love that is committed. Not just when it’s easy, but always.

**

I’m sorry if my thoughts are incoherent.

But I guess what I’m trying to (indirectly) say through these mini-letters is this.

God should ultimately be the one guiding our relationships, not us alone.

We all are precious and valuable, and none of us should ever see others as objects (despite what the culture says).

“Old-fashioned” virtues like modestly, decency, humility, and selflessness are BEAUTIFUL. To be treasured, and valued and appreciated.

When commitment to God and to each other is the center of a romantic relationship, it will be much stronger. Seriously. God isn’t to be put on the back burner, people.

And lastly? Dating and relationships are to be taken seriously. As are our relationships with our families. Because really, the ultimate goal is to raise up families to love God and know Jesus.

We can’t listen to the culture when it comes to such important matters. Marriage is beautiful, people. Not to be corrupted.

We were made for each other, God designed it that way.

So Dear Christian Teens,

Let’s be serious. Let’s focus on God first before others, and treat everyone like Jesus would.

Anybody with me?

*aj

Dear Future Husband…

Couple, Beach

Turn on the radio, and you’ll hear an all-too-familiar pop song.

I mean, a lot of us probably know it, but have you ever listened to the lyrics?

Dear Future Husband by Meghan Trainor is a very…interesting song.

The opening lines are as follows:

Dear future husband,

Here’s a few things

You’ll need to know if you wanna be my one and only all my life.

 

That sounds good so far. Every person needs to have standards for their future spouse. Nobody needs to marry a gnat.

But what about the first verse?

Take me on a date

I deserve it, babe

And don’t forget the flowers every anniversary

‘Cause if you’ll treat me right

I’ll be the perfect wife

Buying groceries

Buy-buying what you need

 

Annnnd here is where we get off the train.

She “deserves” a date, and flowers every anniversary. If you deserve something, what makes it special? If I deserve to be taken on a date, where’s the fun in that? The best thing about a marriage is that signs of love can be spontaneous. Um, and what about a little thing called humility?

And what about this: If you treat me right, I’ll be the perfect wife. That’s a big if. So, by taking this relationship advice, I learn that

-My marriage is going to be all about me

-I just need to uphold my end of the deal, to do 50% of the work.

I think that we all know that a marriage (or any kind of friendship or relationship for that matter) takes work. You can’t just stick with it when it’s easy. You can’t commit to “just your half of the bargain.” And you can’t give up when it gets tough.

I agree with Meghan in the sense that you need to marry the right person, and yes, someone who will treat you well. (We are all children of God! Nobody is better than another.) But I’d take a slightly different approach to this whole thing.

Perhaps, we should really look for someone who loves God over everything and everyone else, including you.

 

Yes, I will look for someone whose life purpose is to live for God. Not a cute guy who has some religion mixed into his life every week or so. Because, as I have seen in my parents’ marriage and many others’, if God is the defined center of a marriage, it will be able to withstand even the strongest of trials.

Because trials will come. God has created marriage to be a beautiful thing; to reflect His perfect love for us, and Satan wants nothing more than for us to corrupt it.

What else should we do? Pray for our future spouse.

 

They need it. We can pray for their life, for them to be surrounded by good Christian friends, to be a person of integrity, to understand the Bible clearly, to love their family now, to be humble, to love others, to be bold in their faith, and so on. Won’t it be amazing to someday have your future spouse say to you, “I prayed for you, my love, and God has created you to be even more amazing and godly than I imagined.” (Is that not just so beautiful??)

And one of the most important things you could ever do, is be the person that your future spouse will want to marry.

Girls, do you want a man that will put God as the center of His life? Well, you need to put God as the center of your own life.

Guys, do you want a girl who will be a good mom to your future children? You need to be a good brother to your siblings, because you’re going to be a father.

Be who your “dream spouse” will be searching for. Be the godly influence among your friends now. Oh, we can’t flirt with the “bad boys.” Ladies, that’s not what a man of God will be looking for.

Guys, don’t be afraid to be the change. Don’t be afraid to stand out and be a leader. Being “cool” won’t matter in ten years.

I know, I know. I’m only fifteen right now. I needn’t be consumed by finding a spouse right now. (And don’t you worry. I’m not.) But there are some very misleading things that the culture tries to tell us about relationships that we just CAN’T afford to listen to.

For example,

-If your spouse doesn’t make you happy at all times, just bail. It’s all about you, after all.

-Hard work isn’t worth it. If your relationship doesn’t flow naturally, move on. You don’t need extra stress in your life.

-Love is a feeling. When the glowing feeling wears out, well, you’re out of luck. May as well be miserable for the rest of your life.

No, everyone. Love takes work. But it is so much more rewarding than just a feeling. There are so many celebrities nowadays that get married and divorced around five times or more in their lifetimes…isn’t that just horrible? You can’t pursue love as an emotion. It’s not something to be treated as shallow. (Though, it is treated that way far too often.) True Love is what flows out of being loved by an amazing God who gave His life for us.

Love is hard, but worth it. Because yeah, the feelings will tag along, but the root is deep. 🙂 And we can’t afford to forget that!

Love isn’t all about us. Marriage, though it can be quite fulfilling, is about two people committing to each other, for better or for worse. It’s not conditional. God didn’t love us because we held up our end of the bargain.

He loves us no matter what we do, and in response, we love Him back.

Just like our human love, I suppose.

It’s not all about us, or what we are going to get out of it. It is a union between a man and a woman, that God joins together. And it is most amazing.

So, Dear Future Husband,

I am praying for you. I pray that every day you will become closer to God and understand His Word better.

I pray that I will become the woman who God has called me to be, and that He will keep preparing me to meet your needs.

I don’t know who you are, but I do love you already.

And I pray that no matter what comes, we will each stand strong and do what God has for us to do.

Love, Your Future Wife

*aj