Maybe it’s a silly notion. Though I’m sure we’ve all felt it.
Unworthy. Undeserving. Afraid of not being enough. Not good enough to be loved.
Because deep down, we know we’re not truly “good,” in and of ourselves – and that’s a terrifying thought. But that fear doesn’t have to destroy us.
My name, Amanda, means worthy of love – and yet I hardly feel worthy.
Oftentimes I wonder if I’ll ever be “the right person” for someone else – if I’ll be too spiritual or not spiritual enough – if I’ll be too lighthearted or not carefree enough – if I’ll be pretty enough or tall or thin enough – if I’ll be too introverted and quiet or too loud and joyful – if I’ll be a terrible cook and useless housemistress, or if I’ll know too much about housework– if I’m supposed to work full-time or stay at home as a wife and momma.
These things constantly run through my head, with one central set of questions hammering into my mind: Will I ever be enough that someone would desire me? Am I truly worthy of love, as my name says?
And most of me says no.
Because I know the real me. I see all of my failures, all of my mistakes. I see when I mess up and I look at Jesus, the ultimate picture of perfection – and know I’ll never be Him.
But then I stop. I step back, take a breath, and stop – because I remember that perfection of my own merit is not my goal.
If my own perfection were to earn me the love of my God, I’d be stuck – because I’m far from perfect. And yet He loves me. He chooses to love me and see His Son’s perfection in me – even when I sin.
He does not look at us to see if we are worthy of being loved, but loves us in spite of our sin – and sees us as holy because of Jesus.
God was willing to love us – and does – because He is good. Because of something greater than just ourselves.
So the question no longer is, “Am I worthy of being loved?” but “Am I willing to love as God does?” When I know that love means sacrifice, love means accepting someone as the sinner that they are – and yet seeing them for the redeemed Child of the King that God has made them – I can learn to love fully.
Love means putting someone else’s needs above my own.
Love means making the choice to work things out, even when it’s tough.
Love means commitment. It means serving. It means honoring the other person.
I can learn to love as best I know how because they’re not perfect and I’m not either, and that’s what makes it beautiful – because our lives will intertwine from the standpoint of knowing that Jesus is the One who makes us holy, new creatures.
Love is beautiful because we are not worthy.
God’s love for us is completely undeserved, completely sacrificial, completely incredible. And in our accepting of His love for us, we become worthy.
I constantly have to remind myself that my innate worthiness has nothing to do with His love for me – and that shouldn’t be my concern regarding my future, either.
Do I believe I’m doing what God has called me to do? Yes.
Do I believe that God has a plan for my life, and if it’s His will that I eventually marry, it will happen? Yes.
Am I continually seeking to grow in my faith, that I might be ready to help raise a family spiritually someday? Yes.
Am I developing life skills now, practicing responsibility and discipline, and becoming the woman that God has for me to be? Yes.
Am I living out the grace of God in my life, and accepting His love for me as the completion of my soul? Yes.
Do I believe that a relationship with God – and that alone – is what will ultimately satisfy my heart? Yes.
No longer do I have to be plagued by the fear that I’m unworthy of being loved. No longer do I have to worry about not being enough.
Because God has made me enough. The blood of Jesus, shed for me, is enough to make my heart whole – one that can truly love another person fully.
I am unworthy in my sin, yet I am worthy because of the cross.
Human love for one another is just a reflection of our relationship with God. It can be incredible because God’s love is incredible.
The longing of our hearts to be loved and accepted is only completely fulfilled in truly knowing God’s love for us – and in turn, we can love others with the same kind of love God has shown us.