Who Am I, Really?

Hey guys! So…I’m still on this Easter kick thing. Yes, I know that today is Saint Patrick’s Day, and yes, he was a pretty cool guy (he was a missionary, not a leprechaun by the way). But Easter just makes me SO happy! I mean really. Forgiveness! Love! Hope! Acceptance! Joy! Peace! I have all these things because of the cross. So enjoy, reflect, and rejoice this Easter because of what’s been done for you.

“Who am I, really?” The piercing words echo in my head. I’ve known myself for almost fifteen years and I’m not always convinced that I know the true AJ. 

Who am I, really?

People say I’m beautiful. But I don’t feel beautiful. 
People say I’m smart. But I feel like a failure. 

know who I am. 

I’m a sinner. I am broken in pieces that I could never fix. I’m not always loving, joyful, or peaceful. My words are not always patient, gentle, or kind.  I am unfaithful. Good does not always define me. Self-control isn’t exactly one of my strong suits either. 

Why am I like this?!

Welcome to Planet Earth. I’m human. I’m an ordinary citizen here, which means that I’m a sinner.

I look at myself in the mirror, and half the time, I don’t even recognize myself. Who is that girl? What makes her who she is?

I don’t want to live behind a mask, trying to be someone I’m not. “Because,” I’ve heard someone say, “the more you live behind the mask, the more the mask defines you.”

Wow. I don’t want to be living behind a mask. I don’t want the mask to define me! I don’t care what people think about the real Amanda, all that matters is that who I am is the real thing. 

So what defines me? Who am I really? Well, there’s a dozen things I could think of…my guitar and piano, my surfboard, my blog, my bookshelf…you get the picture. But those things aren’t really who I am on the inside. 

I am defined by The Cross. 

What do I mean by that? Well, I’ve struggled with not letting my performance define who I am. It’s all fun and games until I get a C. Until I remember I *still* can’t play “that chord” on the guitar. Until I realize I just can’t catch the wave I’ve been trying to. I realize that I’ll never measure up on my own…and I forget who I really am. 

I am defined by The Cross. 

Because of what Jesus did at the cross, I am who I am. I am blameless in God’s sight.

I’ve fallen into the trap in my (actually pretty short) life of making achievement an addiction. When I can’t achieve “that thing,” I forget who I really am. I’m a child of God, because of The Cross. 

Grace covers Amanda. The Cross has forgiven AJ. The love of God has been lavished on her. 

Conditional things – popularity, beauty, money, talent – cannot define me. Because once I fail (which I do), then who am I? What makes me who I am? Popularity dies down. Beauty fades. Money gets wasted. Talent eventually fails too.

Just one thing will stand. 

Who I really am. 

I am a child of God. 

I am pure in His eyes.

I have been counted blameless. 

I am truly, 100% forgiven. 

I am defined by The Cross.


11 Replies to “Who Am I, Really?”

  1. You sound just like me! I am almost fifteen and I struggle with guitar (not as easy as piano, I guess!) 😉 And I’ve been wrestling with this for a few days. Thank you.

    Question: what led you to start this blog?


    1. Wow! That’s really cool. 🙂
      Well… I’ve wanted to start a blog for 3 or 4 years now. I wanted to be able to express myself through words (even though I then HATED forced writing). I’m kinda a quiet person, but I wouldn’t say shy really. I’m not always an introvert, but I’m not really an extrovert either. I love to talk…although sometimes my words come out better on paper (and if they come out too harsh, I can erase them!)
      As I learn more things about God, who He is & what He’s done for me, I want to share it with others. So this past February vacation, I got my act together and just did it. 🙂 And it has been one of the best things I’ve ever done.


      1. That’s really cool. I’m thinking about putting my unpublished blog online……I just want to have the right motives, you know? And I need to watch my words a little more carefully when they’re online. 😉


  2. You are truly an amazing young girl. You have known pain and loss in your short life but God has given you gifts beyond measure. You use those gifts to inspire, teach and uplift others. That’s what we all are called to do but so often fall short.
    God Bless you, AJ.


  3. Re: your other comment 😉

    My life and my walk with God for the most part. I have done blog studies similar to that of She Reads Truth (shereadstruth.com) but not as good haha. I also do blog, music, and book reviews. All my own little world right now, though. 😉 I will definitely let you know when/if I publish. 🙂

    Any goals for the future of your blog?


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