Category: Journal Entries

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Independence: The Good and the Bad

Independence- The Good and the Bad

 

I caught myself the other day thinking something I tend to say a lot.

 

“I’ve got it.” I say it when I’m trying to do something on my own. I say it when I’m trying to take the burden off someone else to do something. I say it when I’m trying to handle something on my own. I say it to be independent.

 

And in this world, independence is such a thing that’s admired. That somehow by doing whatever we want because we’re strong and free, we are superior people. It’s a message that gets pushed and shoved in our faces – You can do it; don’t let anything stop you. You don’t need help.

 

And for some, this is an empowering message. An inspiring one that keeps us going on, knowing that we don’t have to give up. But it soon turns into a dangerous message, and here’s why.

 

The “just do it” message only works if you can do it. That is, if you’re capable.

 

And being human as I am, I’m not capable of everything. I collapse under stress. I don’t have perfect faith. I’m tempted at times. I stay home alone for one afternoon and find that OH MY GOODNESS WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT MY FAMILY. (I love you, family.)

 

Frankly, I live needing help. But we were meant to be this way. In needing help, we allow ourselves to be dependent on God, and we do not need to suffer alone.

 

Hebrews 4:15-16

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

 

Jesus sympathizes with us because He experienced everything we do. He was tempted. He experienced pain – He was crucified, for crying out loud! To think that we must always be independent is to deny the strength and peace that He offers.

 

Check this passage out as well.

 

Philippians 4:4-7

 

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 

I like being independent, I really do. But I know I can’t always. I’m not perfect, nor should I try to be. It’s a good thing to lean on God, to rely on His strength. It’s a good thing because He has no capacity to fail. He will never leave, never stop loving us, never give up on us.

 

No matter what we do, we are loved and cared for. Our bad choices are not counted against us. And even when we doubt, God proves Himself to us.

 

Instead of chasing independence, let’s chase the One who gives us true freedom to rest in Himself. Because that’s the most freeing thing of all.

 

*aj

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4 Truths About Doubts and Questions (and why they’re not as bad as you think)

4 Truths About Doubts and Questions

 

I’ve been wrestling with some tough questions these past few months. In this post, I’m not going to try to answer them, because I know I don’t have all the answers. However, I’d like to present some truths regarding what doubts are and how we can deal with them.

 

  1. You are not alone in your questioning.

If you were to ask everyone about whether they believed everything they were expected to, you’d be surprised at their answers. I promise, as much as we can know the answers, it’s not always easy to believe them. So before we try to hide that we can question aspects of our faith – for example, “Is God really for me? Is He really good? Am I really never alone?” – we should know that there are, in fact, other people in the world like us that question the same things.

 

However, that doesn’t necessarily make the doubts right – it just means that other people wonder the same things as us. If two people speculate that the grass is red and the sky is yellow, does that make them right? Absolutely not. They’re just confused together.

 

Similarly, when we doubt and realize that other people think the same way we do, that’s a good thing because we can relate to others. But when we doubt and conclude that because someone else agrees with us, the voices of doubt must be right, we’re looking at it from the wrong perspective. Questioning with others lets us breathe in the fact that others are like us, and not that we’re automatically correct. This leads into my next point.

 

  1. Doubting is not a sin.

Doubt isn’t wrong, and questioning isn’t sinful. What doubts can do is lead us to discover what really is right. Finding support in others with similar doubts is a good thing because it allows us to look for answers alongside like-minded people. Doubting isn’t wrong in and of itself. However, if we stay in a point of skepticism, we can stunt out spiritual growth. This, however, can be resolved through the following point:

 

  1. Times of questioning should be utilized to help us find answers.

Instead of shoving down those voices in your head, address them. If I’m doubting whether God loves me because something terrible has happened to me, I shouldn’t try to deny that. Instead, I should go to the Bible and find the truth for myself.

For instance, look at Romans 8:37-39.

 

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

 

While I love this passage, and it tells me about the love of God, I want to be shown.

 

So let’s look at John 3:16.

 

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

 

In this, my (hypothetical) doubt of God’s love slowly diminishes. When I can look to the Bible and see clear proof that I am loved, as much as doubts can still stay, it’s a little easier to believe that I really am loved. I don’t mean that the Bible is the end-all-be-all of doubt. I know that we can read the Bible for years and still not fully believe it. Trust me, the Bible doesn’t make all our doubts go away, but our doubts do not undermine the truth of God.

 

  1. God does not expect us to live in blind faith.

Christianity isn’t about believing crazy “facts” that we pretend make sense. It’s about believing a rather reasonable truth – that God created the world, gave us free will, and we chose sin; because of our sin, He sent His Son to forgive us of our sin by dying and rising from the dead, and by believing that He was the perfect sacrifice for us, the only One who could pay the price for our sin, we are saved.

 

But He gives us the Bible and He gives us the Holy Spirit. He will reveal Himself to us when we seek Him, and gives us the proof of Jesus on earth for us. He doesn’t leave us to wander in the dark; He wants us to know Him. He wants us to trust Him.

 

It’s normal for us to encounter questions in our faith. It’s healthy to question in order to find out what truth is. However, we cannot live in a state of unbelief. Belief is the center of our faith, and faith is not possible if we stay cynical or skeptical.

 

In Mark 9, we read about a boy with an unclean spirit who is brought to Jesus to be healed. Let’s read a little bit of that passage.

 

Mark 9:21-24

And Jesus asked his father, “How long has this been happening to him?” And he said, “From childhood. And it has often cast him into fire and into water, to destroy him. But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” And Jesus said to him, “‘If you can’! All things are possible for one who believes.” Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!”

 

When we doubt, instead of giving into skepticism, let us dig for truth and exclaim, “I believe; help my unbelief!”

 

Instead of letting go of our faith, let us find the answers to our questions, and seek God to help us believe them.

 

*aj

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Dealing With Stress: It’s Not As Hard As You Think

Dealing With Stress

 

Good morning, friends.

 

I’ve been wanting to write this blog post for a few weeks now. As a side note, tomorrow (February 17th) is my blogiversary! I’ve been writing here for 364 days so far, and what a journey it’s been.

 

I’m going to try to have a nice post up celebrating that tomorrow, with a survey and such…but we’ll see how it goes.

 

This year, blogging has made my life busier. I’m more consumed with writing, responding to comments, practicing with graphic design, meeting new people and staying in touch with them…all that crazy fun stuff.

 

And this is on top of schoolwork (which can drive me up the wall with discouragement at times), editing (which can hassle me with my perfectionism and procrastination), working, practicing music, and trying to take time for me.

 

Needless to say, my life can get stressful, and mostly for the pressure I put on myself. And my stress can lead to depression and discouragement. The more stressed I get, the less I want to work hard, and the less hard I work, the more stressed I get because nothing’s getting done.

 

Exasperating system, right?

 

I’m not going to keep boring you all with my woes, though. I just want to address a flaw that I’ve seen in my own life.

 

Distraction.

 

When I’m stressed, I do one of a few things.

I mope or hide.

I listen to music.

I find some book to lose myself in.

I watch YouTube videos (all good ones, mind you) or TV.

 

Basically, I turn my distractions up to drown out my life.

 

But when it comes to the end of the TV show, or the song, or the end of the book, and I’m woken back up to reality, I realize that nothing has changed. I haven’t improved my condition; I’ve enhanced it by drawing it out longer. And that is the worst feeling in the world.

 

When I use distractions – like adding more busyness to my already-hectic life – I’m essentially saying to God, You’re not enough for me. You can’t handle this, I can. My distractions can fix me, and You can’t.

 

Whoa, whoa, whoa. That’s not the right attitude.

 

And I know this is wrong. I totally know. I totally know I’m doing myself so much more harm than good. I know, I know, I know. But at some point in my life, that whole “Jesus is enough for me” thing seemed to be just talk, because I didn’t understand how to apply it.

 

We as Christians can waltz around, saying things like, “All you need is Jesus, and your life will be good.” Or “If you only pray, your situation will improve.” And “God will turn your life from messy to perfect.”

 

Cliché, right? And yet we say them. I mean, I suppose those first two statements could be stretched to be kind of right, but when we speak them literally, we completely deceive ourselves.

 

It’s 100% true that Jesus fills that hole in our hearts for meaning.

It’s 100% true that God has everything under control.

It’s 100% true that prayer works.

It’s 100% true that God takes us as we are, messy and sinful, and transforms our lives.

It’s 100% true that He never abandons us.

 

But He doesn’t give us easy lives.

Prayer isn’t like writing a wish list to Santa Claus or pressing a button on a vending machine.

He doesn’t (normally) speak to us in an audible voice.

He isn’t “magical” or like some genie.

 

But He does long for us to know Him.

He does speak to us in our hearts.

He does provide for our needs.

He does love us with an everlasting love.

And He can (and does!) heal our souls.

 

When we have problems, we shouldn’t hide from the God who knows what they’re like.

We shouldn’t try to handle things on our own, because quite frankly, we can’t.

 

Now, you know I can say all these things, and you can nod your little head, but just talking about something doesn’t help when it comes to practical life.

 

What should we do when we’re stressed out, depressed, discouraged, lonely, feeling hopeless, anxious, or downcast? What?

 

Pray. Cry out to God. Accept His strength.

This is our chance to say, “God, I cannot do this on my own, and I need your strength to sustain me.”

 

 

Psalm 34:17-18

“When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

 

Philippians 4:6-7

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

 

Listen to the truths in the Word of God (aka the Bible). Find refuge in Him, rather than yourself.

 

Psalm 30:5

“Every word of God proves true; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.”

 

Psalm 119:105

“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”

 

Psalm 119:114

“You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in your word.”

 

Psalm 91:1-2

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, ‘My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’”

 

Okay, prayer and Bible is great…but we know that already. What else can we practically do to take control of our feelings?

 

Prioritize.

 

While this isn’t necessarily spiritual advice, it’s definitely helped me. For me, prioritizing means making a list (yes, a real list on paper with a pencil) of things I need to get done overall. And then, setting manageable daily goals to accomplish those goals.

If it’s still too overwhelming, I rethink my priorities.

 

Is there anything I can cut out or take a break from? Is there anything I can change my mind about and say, “I’m sorry, I just can’t do ___ right now?” Is there anything that I can put less time or effort into?

 

God doesn’t want us to be stressed. He wants us to rest in Him, and not freak out over our messy lives. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to be imperfect. It’s okay to rest.

 

And lastly…

 

Build time in for rest.

 

Rest can take all types of different forms. This may be watching TV, pursuing a hobby, hanging out with friends, or taking time just to chill out and do nothing. This isn’t wrong. It’s good to take time to breathe, and good to take time to do what you love. There is no shame in that.

 

Take time to rest, take mental breaks, but of course, don’t use those things to disguise real pressure. Deal with the pressure, and additionally, take time to unwind and relax.

 

Live refreshed. Pressures come, absolutely. But when we can control some of our stress, we should. When we are stressed, we need to turn to God and find the peace that we need. Trust me, it’s there.

 

Never forget that God is always in control, and stress doesn’t have to be.

 

*aj

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When Happiness Isn’t Enough

When Happiness Isn’t Enough

Dear Readers,

 

I want you to know that sometimes, I dream.

 

I dream of a big future, a bright one, a happy one.

 

As I get older, I’m thinking more and more about where and who I’ll be in a few years.

 

I’ll be honest, I want to be an editor. Most of you, if you know me, have probably heard me blabber on about that. I want to edit books, and live in an adorable top floor apartment in New York City, drinking coffee and cranking music at all hours of the day, wearing cute clothes, reading lots of books, and hanging with my good friends on the weekends.

 

While that whole scenario seems highly improbable and dream-like (not the editing part, I’m actually serious about that), there has been an underlying wish there that I’ve had my whole life.

 

Before I completely reveal that, I’d like to take you back to when I was five years old. My cousin and I were always close, and still are to this day. She and I were at our grandparents’ house, and she asked me, “Amanda, what do you want to be when you grow up?” I thought for a moment, and then replied, “I want to be a singer or an actress.”

 

I always hated to sing or speak in front of people, because I was painfully shy and self-conscious, but I still had a dream in my heart that one day, I’d find something to really make me happy, and right then it seemed like acting or singing was the way to go.

 

I love to sing, and I also love to entertain the delusion that I can act. But as I’ve matured, I’ve realized that neither of those is probably the path I’ll wind up taking. I enjoy those things, but I don’t feel a passion for making either of them my life’s calling.

 

However, I do love words, if you hadn’t already noticed. So for me, it seems like editing would be a good career, at least for the next couple years or so.

 

And sometimes, when I think of my mental “wish-list” for the future, I put an asterisk besides everything, saying “as long as it makes me happy, which I’m sure it will.”

 

I think that by having a certain job, a certain sized paycheck, a certain house, certain friends, certain environment, certain material possessions, that then, I’ll be happy.

 

But you know what?

 

Chasing happiness is like pursuing a shadow, or trying to catch the wind. You’re always striving, but never savoring what you have.

 

And while this seems a tad depressing, keep on reading, because I promise that it doesn’t have to be.

 

I told myself when I was young that when I “became a teenager,” that I’d be happy and free and all that jazz. I told myself that when I finally got a job and paycheck, I’d feel contented that I was somewhat independent. I told myself that when I finally started a blog, I’d feel an overwhelming sense of peace and purpose, and feel like I was important, that I was contributing something to the world, that I was valuable. I told myself that when I started dressing with more style and less Aéropostale graphic tees I’d feel more beautiful. I’ve told myself so many things over the years about what new thing would make me happy.

 

And I have news for you.

 

That happiness is so short-lived and shallow, and so easy to move on from as soon as we find “that next thing” to chase after. All those things have happened, and I’m not any happier because of them. Perhaps they’ve added some dimension to my life, but nothing on this earth can fulfill the hole in my heart for something more.

 

But there is One who can.

 

If I didn’t have my faith, I don’t know where I’d be. I don’t know who I’d be.

 

Things don’t make me happy, per se, but I am still a satisfied person, with joy in my life.

 

Philippians 4:11-13

“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

 

This is one of the most quoted passages in the Bible. The last verse, at least. In this chapter, Paul tells us that in everything, the key to contentment is facing all things with the strength of Christ.

 

Now strength may not seem to connect with being content or happy, but let’s think about it.

 

This isn’t the strength that athletes claim before a competition. This isn’t “I can win this thing because I’m mentioning Jesus, and then I’ll get this gorgeous trophy showing how amazing my life is.” It’s facing every aspect of life with the mindset that we are never alone in facing trials. It’s knowing that life won’t always be good, but trusting God that He has a plan in all of it.

 

That, my friends, is what brings us to true contentment.

 

We can chase things, but they’re never going to fill us 100%. Or we can choose Jesus, to sustain us, to strengthen us when we succumb to our weaknesses, to hold us together when we fall apart. We can look to His grace when we fail, and mess up, and our lives are in disarray.

 

And that’s satisfying to me.

 

I know that I’m doing right now what He wants me to. I know that I’m letting Him lead my life. I know that I’m imperfect, but He has forgiven me.

 

That is what fulfills me.

 

That is what brings joy to my heart when I’m depressed.

 

That is what gives me meaning, a reason to go on, and inspires me to move forward.

 

I might not ever be rich, or famous, or have really wonderful stuff. And you know what? I’m okay with that.

 

Because life is about so much more than just being happy.

 

*aj

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There is A Plan For You.

There is A Plan For You.

10:26 PM. Document 43. 0 words.

 

Sometimes when I write, I have a clear focus of where I’m going. I have some fantastic quotes in my head, Bible verses for reference, blog posts to link to, anecdotes that I’m dying to share, and a great idea for graphic design.

 

Other times, I sit at my computer after a long day of school, karate, music binging, and a favorite show on Netflix, and bore a hole through my eyeballs from staring at the white screen and blinking cursor.

 

I can converse with people over text all day. Not that I do, but that I don’t run out of things to say and it feels so simple. So easy. So great.

 

And then there’s my blog. I love it to death. I love writing, I love my readers, I love being so involved. But sometimes, my words just won’t write, and too bad for me that I created this thing called a schedule, which ties me down to writing twice a week. And half the time, I have no idea what I’m doing.

 

And a lot of times, I feel like that with my life in general.

 

I know how to do a lot of things. I end up doing a lot of things. But sometimes I wonder: am I really doing things that matter? Do I really know what I’m doing? Should I be doing better things? Should I be better at the things I choose to do?

 

It’s a frustrating feeling.

 

As I wrote in a recent post, Don’t Regret Where You Are, I want each and every person alive to know that your life is not a mistake. We can’t go around second-guessing what we’re doing (unless we’re doing something obviously wrong, but that’s a totally different blog post for another day). If God has placed us somewhere, why should we think that we’re not good enough, not lovable enough, or not equipped enough?

 

I have to address those questions in my mind that make me think that I’m doing something wrong, the thoughts that question the talents God has given me, the ones that question the opportunities God has clearly placed before me. Who am I to question God’s perfect plans?

 

I might not always feel like I know what I’m doing – in fact, most times I don’t. I don’t always feel smart, or strong, or gifted. I get lost in my plans for the future. I don’t even hold the plans.

 

But you know who does?

 

Exactly. God does.

 

2 Samuel 22:31

 

“This God—his way is perfect;

the word of the Lord proves true;

he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.”

 

Jeremiah 29:11-13

 

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”

 

God’s plans for us are perfect.

 

If you’re like me and you feel like you have no idea what you’re doing, turn to God.

 

Proverbs 16:9

“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”

 

It’s alright. God is the one in control, not us. God leads us where we need to go. He wants what is best for us.

 

The question is not “Am I doing the right thing?” but “How can I be faithful in this thing that I’m in?” Let us not neglect to do all for the glory of God – and use His strength to accomplish what He sets before us.

 

I’m still learning this, as I finish this post past midnight. I’ve written over 700 words.

 

As that question inches into my mind and laces my thoughts with apprehension and self-doubt, the question of “Should I even post this?” I’m pushing it away. Who knows where my blog will reach, who it’ll speak to, or even if the only one learning anything from it is me. It doesn’t matter.

 

It doesn’t matter if I have a hundred thousand followers or two hundred total.

 

All that matters is that I’m speaking the message God has given me.

 

And that is true of every one of you. Don’t second-guess your platforms. Use them to bring people to our Savior. Let us show the world what grace truly looks like.

 

12:30 AM. “There is A Plan For You.” 767 words.

 

Until next time,

 

*aj

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Where Does Your Strength Come From?

Where Does Your

I think this is one of the most honest posts I’ve ever written. It’s nerve-wracking to post something so open, and even though I’ve talked to so many of you through comments and emails and everything, it isn’t easy to be straightforward. But here I am, and here’s my post. I hope it encourages you.

 

I’m not always sure how people perceive me, whether online or in real life. Like, what’s the impression people get when they read what I write or listen to me talk? Am I quirky? Confident? Cold? Bubbly? Fake? Scared?

 

I don’t know exactly how people see me, but I know how I see myself so many times.

 

Stressed. Weak. Afraid. Uneasy. Uncomfortable. Anxious. Frozen. Apprehensive. Shall I go on?

 

In my prayer journal this week, I wrote this.

 

“Please give me strength to face this day, this year, this life. I can’t do it on my own.”

 

It’s not as though there are too many major things going on in my life. In my head, of course, I run through a million things I need to do, tests to study for, situations and people to pray for, words I need to write, things I need to practice, jobs I need to do for people, how much I need to work, how long it’s okay to spend reading.

 

And it stresses me out.

 

The more pressures I’m put under, the weaker and more vulnerable I feel. I feel these ugly doubts creep up into my mind, that say things like, who do you think you are? A ‘writer?’ Blogging doesn’t even count.  A musician? An editor? *laughs* You think you could actually ever be good at any of those things?

 

I never voice these things out loud, but I hear them.

 

And when I become conscientious of these thoughts, I realize, wow. I really can’t do this by myself.

 

The more I feel this stress and pressure, these things that I feel like I’m drowning under, the weaker I find myself. But the beautiful thing about my weaknesses is that I do not need to rely on my own strength.

 

2 Corinthians 2:9-10

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

 

If I am self-sufficient and relying on my own strength to survive, I reject God in my life. And for the love of all things that taste like coffee, I don’t want to do that. I know I can not sustain myself and succeed, and so I gladly surrender.

 

Matthew 11:28

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

 

Psalm 18:2

“The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”

 

Rest. Rest is what I need. When I know I can collapse into the arms of Jesus and give Him my burdens, I can face my day. My year. My life.

 

Are you overwhelmed? Run to Jesus, not away from Him. Are you scared? Seek refuge in your Heavenly Father, and not in yourself. Are you weak? Find your strength in your savior, and He will give you everything you need.

 

*aj

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Don’t Regret Where You Are.

Don’t Regret Where You Are

Last night stirred up some old memories from my past. Fifteen years old doesn’t seem quite old enough to have a “past,” but trust me, I have a lot of old memories.

 

I did gymnastics for eight whole years. They say I was good, but that’s not why I did it. I did it because I loved gymnastics, and it was pretty much synonymous with my own name.

 

But I’ve changed so much since I was eleven.

 

I had my life all planned out. We’d work hard, my best friend and I would, and go to the Olympics. If that didn’t work out, we would go to college for gymnastics, and become coaches. If not coaches, then judges. And that was that. That was all I knew, and that was where God had me and my priorities at the time.

 

And then I stopped.

 

Last night, as I was getting ready to go to said best friend’s competition, I stared at myself in the mirror, comparing my image with the one of baby-faced me in a red and white leotard. And the thought came to me – so much has changed.

 

But I can think that thought without regrets. Sure, I wish I still had a six-pack, and could do countless push-ups and sit-ups, have backflips at my disposal, and be able to climb a thirty-foot rope without using my legs. (Seriously.) But I don’t regret where I am today.

 

I have a blog with all of you lovely, vibrant readers, where I can share the amazing things God has taught me.

I can focus on things that matter to me, like writing, and reading, and editing.

I have made wonderful online friends, who fangirl shamelessly share my faith and interests, and are wonderful, encouraging people.

I’ve had time to develop musically and teach myself how to play guitar, piano, ukulele, and how to sing.

I learned how to surf and now fight off bad guys amuse myself with karate.

I’ve fostered so many new passions and interests, and matured so much in my faith.

 

Things that were once such huge players in my life have become nothing more than occasionally resurfacing memories.

 

And you know what? I’m good with that.

 

So many times, we let our pasts take hold of us and let us continue to ask about “what could have been.” That’s not right.

 

A poem by Robert Frost, called “The Road Not Taken,” talks about this. The speaker is faced with two paths to choose in life, not right and wrong per se, but two choices, and he must go one way or the other.

 

The last stanza goes like this.

 

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

 

(Read the full poem here.)

 

The poem isn’t called “The Road Less Traveled,” but “The Road Not Taken.” It’s about how we will never know what life would be like if we had chosen to do something else.

 

As much as I love Frost’s poetry, I don’t think our lives should have such a melancholy undertone over “what-ifs.” Of course we’ll never know what things would have been like if we chose a different path. But we needn’t hinge our thinking on that fact.

 

I’m learning every day to be okay with where God puts me. The choices I’ve made – such as stopping gymnastics, and removing that thing that I let define me – have brought me to where I am today.

 

I’d like to share something with you.

 

Your life is not a mistake.

 

God has a plan for your life, whether you’re eleven or ninety-seven. And whoever you are, know that you are exactly where you need to be. You don’t need to spend so much time dwelling on the fact that you never finished your education, or that you never achieved the high goals you set for yourself, or that you have an apartment rather than a mansion.

 

It’s okay to not be rich or famous, it’s okay that you never followed the glamourous dreams you thought you wanted, it’s okay, because you are still living the life that God has planned for you.

 

If you want to go out and try something new, to be bold in your faith, to start fresh, go for it. But don’t look back, because honey, you can’t change what’s happened. You don’t look behind you when you want to move forward.

 

We all have trials. We all have bad days, bad months, and bad years. But with God in our lives, we cannot classify our lives themselves as bad.

 

God has known from the dawn of time the choices we’d make. And through good and bad, He loves us.

 

Don’t regret where you are. It may be hard, but don’t look back. We needn’t dwell on the past because that life, that part of us, that person – is gone. We are who we are now. Let’s make the best of it, and live to be who God has created us to be.

 

*aj

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A Spark of Hope

A Spark of Hope

 

We all know the feeling of utter hopelessness. Dark situations surround us in so many times of our lives, and sometimes, it feels like there’s no way out.

 

I get it.

 

Hope is a spark. Sometimes it’s like a burning ember: so subtle, almost invisible, but still there. Yet other times, it’s a stick of dynamite that can make a world of difference in our lives.

 

Hope is a spark, and what we do with that spark is important.

 

I understand the feeling of hopelessness. That inner nagging that nothing will ever get better. Those lies in our heads that say no one cares. You’re stuck with this life. Trust in God all you want, but nothing will improve.

 

I hate it, because almost every single time, I believe those lies. It’s such a sickening feeling to believe that nothing will ever be bright again. I have to remind myself of all the times that God has never left me – namely, my entire life.

 

But I think that behind the smiles, we all can have feelings of doubt inside our hearts. Not necessarily Is God real? but more like Will God really never leave me? Is His best really being worked out in my life? Because I know I’ve felt those things at times.

 

Hope is a spark. But that hope can only grow from the light we find through trust in God.

 

Psalm 31:14-15

“But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, ‘You are my God.’ My times are in your hand; rescue me from the hand of my enemies and from my persecutors!”

 

God is our God no matter what. Our times are in His hand no matter how we feel about the situation. God is our deliverer, and the only One we can find true hope in.

 

Psalm 9:10

“And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.”

 

God doesn’t guarantee us a pain-free life, but He does promise never to forsake us. I love Psalm 9:10 so much because of that promise – that in the midst of our doubts and worries, we can know with absolute assurance that GOD DOES NOT FORSAKE US. HE NEVER HAS, AND HE NEVER WILL.

 

Psalm 61:1-3

“Hear my cry, O God,

listen to my prayer;

from the end of the earth I call to you

when my heart is faint.

Lead me to the rock

that is higher than I,

for you have been my refuge,

a strong tower against the enemy.”

 

If you know me, or you know about my love for books and movies, you’ll know that I am an extreme fangirl. (Morgan, Kendra, Leah, Gabriela, Jaye, you guys know. My word, how you know.) I tend to flip out over quotes and passages and emotional scenes, and over things that I can relate to. It’s like breathing for me. When I find a quote that is so sweet or perfect for my situation…I jump up and down and squeal “YESSSSS!”

 

Psalm 61 is one of my favorite Psalms because it is so ME. Maybe it’s weird to say this about the Bible, but these first few verses have me shouting “YESSSSS!” to them because I can relate so much.

 

My heart is faint sometimes. I’m pretty sure I’ve admitted that before. This passage encourages me so much because I get to say, “God, YOU are the only One who I can run to. YOU are higher than me. YOU are my refuge. When I encounter enemies, YOU are the only one that can rescue me. I cannot do this on my own, but YOU can.”

 

This spark of hope is what we need. We need to trust God, regardless of whether it’s easy or not.

 

I was thinking the other day (yep, that’s what I do) and I figured something out.

 

Trusting God is easy when life is straightforward and simple, because it requires NO TRUST WHATSOEVER.

 

In other words, trust is easy when it’s not actually trust.

 

Interesting concept, right?

 

Psalm 28:7

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.”

 

We aren’t hopeless. We just need to ignite that spark with trust in God through all circumstances. By no means is it easy. Haha, it’s not easy at all.

 

But that trust will combat the greatest of doubts and fears. It’ll ignite the spark of hope in our hearts to press on, even when it feels like life is crumbling. No, trust isn’t easy. But hope, oh beautiful hope, is so worth it.

 

*aj