Life Lessons – Page 17 – Scattered Journal Pages

June 2, 2015June 2, 2015

Speaking Love

Sometimes I feel wordless.

I don’t have anything to say.

I can’t express what I’m really thinking. These swirling words in my head stubbornly refuse to be made into sentences.

I want to write, but what if I lead people astray? What if my “wisdom” isn’t really wise? What if I don’t even know what I’m saying? What if I never live out the advice that I give?

These thoughts cloud my mind when I try to write each day.

What if I’m not good enough? What if my vision for my writing gets in the way of what I should be saying?

I know I shouldn’t think these things. Because I know that I need to be doing this. God has called me to do this. To lean on him for strength when my words are not enough. (Because they won’t be. My life is lived in His strength.)

However, I don’t want to just find a Bible verse and pick it apart. I don’t want to just pick a topic and talk on and on for 800 words about it.

I want to speak God’s words. I want to rely on Him for my words to come, and not just force them out through my fingertips.

Sometimes, it is disappointing, because the words don’t come. God speaks to me, and I know that. But when I try to share it, I lose it. (Maybe that’s just me. Or maybe it is a good thing, to keep me from speaking idle words.)

I can’t speak idle words. Idle words – words without the love of God behind them – are clanging cymbals. Annoying and useless for hearing anything.

1 Corinthians 13:1-8 says,

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.”

Without love – that is, God’s love behind everything we do – nothing matters. It doesn’t matter if I donate $10,000 to an orphanage in Africa. It doesn’t matter if I have a huge amount of faith to accomplish whatever I want. It doesn’t matter if I’m the “godly girl.” It doesn’t matter if I can prophesy, or speak in tongues, or whatever. Without God’s love, everything is useless.

If I write eloquent words while blogging and speak to thousands of people, but have not love, it is all worth nothing.

Love should drive the entirety of our lives. Not just Sunday. Not just at church, or at Bible study, or in a specific place.

Whether I write or whether I don’t, my life should reflect the love of God in every single thing I do.

When I feel wordless, it is okay.

It is better to speak ten words out of love than to speak ten thousand idle words.

I want my life to be rooted in and stemming from the love of God, not out of self-motivation or selfish desires.

I want God’s love to drive my writing, and His will to flow through me.

I want to do away with idle words and only write what He has for me to say.

I want to speak love.

*aj

May 26, 2015May 25, 2015

I’m Fighting

It’s Monday night.

I’m tired. I don’t really want to write a blog post.

I cooked, cleaned, washed dishes, did tons of laundry, watched my brother, and attempted to write an essay for a scholarship contest.

I’ve had a long day, and I don’t feel like writing.

I’d honestly rather chill out in my bed, with a book that hasn’t been written yet. (Favorite authors, keep writing for me. I can’t stand waiting.)

I want to give into my introverted self and hole away in my room, read for ten hours straight, and magically receive a bunch of emails and texts from people I miss without being the first to send the message. I want to sulk for a million hours, and give up on life. I don’t have the experience. I don’t always have motivation. I’m so done with school. And I just want to be selfish and make life about me. Right now, I want life to do what I want, what I think is best for me, and whatever my snobby little emotions want.

And, though I think it would be nice, I’m not giving in because it’s not going to fix me.

And it’s a good thing, too, because when I give in to self-pity, not only is it pitiful, but it is even more discouraging. Hello world, I’m human too. More than I’d like to admit.

So I keep on fighting. Fighting to get my joy back. Fighting to be strengthened. Fighting to find truth amidst the lies. Fighting to regain hope in hard times. Fighting to remember where true love comes from. Fighting to remember God has a plan. And life isn’t about me, so I shouldn’t try to make it seem like it is.

Believe it or not, fighting is hard. Because the not-so-smart human nature in the back of my head says, “Go do pointless things for hours on end. Life is all about you. Go sulk. Go ignore everything. You’ll be happy.”

But will that make me “better?” No, it won’t. I know it won’t. I know that giving into that selfishness will not make me happy because I’ve tried.

Trust me, writing three blog posts a week is tiring. It is really hard. It is hard, because I can barely keep up with school, reading books, and writing, and then having time after that to do what I want. But do you know why I keep up?

I keep up because God has called me to write. God has not called me to wade waist-deep in self-pity, waste time, and sulk. God has called me, an introvert, to use my voice. Right now, I can’t get up in front of 10,000 people and share my life story. Maybe that will come at some point, I don’t know. What I do know, is that my voice right now is being expressed online, writing three times a week, for Him. And whether I like it or not (though I do like it), this is my platform that He has called me to share on. Even if I were to only have had five followers, if God had given me the opportunity to share Him with the world, I would still write.

So I won’t let my selfish sin nature get in the way of sharing the Gospel with twenty-two countries. (Yeah!)

I want to encourage all of you today, to keep on doing what God has given you the opportunity to do and has called you to. Living for God isn’t our obligation (although it’s the wisest thing and He wants us to). Living for God is our joy!

As I write this, my mood is brightening. (I’m not kidding.) Do you know why? Because my satisfaction is found in living for God, not living for myself. I am satisfied and filled up in living a life that is pleasing to God, because deep down, that is what my heart craves. My heart “wants” to be happy, but it can only be truly satisfied by a life abiding in Christ.

So this is why I write.

I do not write for money. (I have to pay to write, actually.) I do not write because it saves me time. (It takes me a lot of time.) I do not write because it makes me famous. (Probably, I’m the least famous out of everyone I know.) I do not write because it looks good on my résumé. (I don’t even have a résumé. I’m fifteen years old.)

I write, because this is the life God has given me. This is what He is calling me to, even though it’s small. This is growing my own faith. This helps me remember that life isn’t all about me. This helps me remember the joy that comes from a life with Christ. By writing even when I don’t feel like it, my own heart is encouraged because I know that this is what abiding in Christ feels like. I am getting to know Him more and more, day by day, and I am satisfied because living my life this way isn’t about me.

I’m glad that life isn’t about me.

I have laid my heart to rest in the satisfaction of Christ. I am pressing on toward the goal. I am fighting, and I am not letting my sinful nature win.

Because if I were to let my sin nature win, I would never taste satisfaction in those shallow, earthly pleasures.

My heart has been won over, and I am living a life dedicated to Christ.

*aj

May 23, 2015May 22, 2015

When I Am Weak…

Honestly, I usually think of myself as a weakling.

Not just physically, although I should probably work on that…

But I mean, I don’t really have amazing strength as a person.

I know how easy it is to fail a test.

I know how not to get stuff done.

I know how not to keep my emotions intact.

I know what it’s like to go through hard things.

I know what it’s like to be completely imperfect.

I guess we all do.

So many times I’ve relied on myself for strength…and failed.

Because my strength isn’t enough. My power is imperfect.

Imagine if life was all about how well we accomplished things. (Obviously, I would fail.) So if this was so, where would grace come in? What if we failed once? Twice? Ten thousand times?

I guess this comes back to the age-old question, “If people are good enough to get to heaven on their own, then why did Jesus have to die?”

Well, let’s face it. We are not good enough. Nobody has to teach us how to do wrong. Or fail. Or suffer. Weakness is a part of our humanity. But have you ever thought that that could be used for God’s purposes?

Yesterday morning, I was reading 2 Corinthians 12. And though I’ve read it before, it stuck out to me. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says,

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I’ve gone from being perfection-obsessed to being fine with failure. So, where’s the balance?

Life is going to be hard, and we are going to struggle. I know I do. But the one thing we must remember when all of this happens, is that we were not meant to carry this alone. Because, as we know, life isn’t about us. And if we try to depend on our own strength, well, it isn’t gonna work. If we want to get through life, we need to depend on God. And this obviously implies that we don’t get the credit.

So, because of the weakness we have, Christ’s power will help us. Which is better than being “all set.” Because of our weakness, we are given grace. Because of our suffering, His power rests upon us. So, therefore, what Paul is saying here is that our strength comes from God alone to fill in the gaps of our weakness (which is like, every part of our lives).

So, on our own, we are hopeless and weak. Because no one can do life alone, no matter how pleasant it may seem.

But with God, we are given His grace and power to live life. We’re never going to be perfect until we get to heaven, and life’s never going to be easy until then, either. But remember: His grace is sufficient! He is the perfection for us.

It’s not the end of the world when we suffer, because we have hope and assurance that God will be right here, beside us. His power rests upon us in and through it all.

And we can say wholeheartedly, “When I am weak (living in the flesh), then I am strong (God’s power in me).” Remember guys, God will never leave you or forsake you. His love is everlasting, and you can’t do anything to make His love for you go away. His love has forgiven your sin, and has been poured out upon you.

I’m not perfect, but I don’t expect to be. I am living a life without regret: a life devoted to God, living for Him, through Him, and by Him Alone.

I’m going to be weak, and so are we all. But when we are weak, it is then that we are strengthened by Him.

*aj

May 19, 2015

Freedom in Christ!

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about what freedom in Christ really means.

I’ve heard some say that we can do whatever we want because of it, and I’ve heard others say that we have no authority to live in light of our freedom, we still have to follow the Bible rule-for-rule. I agree with both, and I agree with neither.

Okay, so I’m a nerd and I love the dictionary, so I looked up “freedom” in the (online) dictionary. And usually, I don’t like every definition of a word, but I liked all of these. So here is “freedom” defined.

the state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint
exemption from external control, interference, regulation, etc.
the power to determine action without restraint.
political or national independence.
personal liberty, as opposed to bondage or slavery
exemption from the presence of anything specified (usually followed by from):
the absence of or release from ties, obligations, etc.

So, this implies:

We are at liberty and are not in confinement to the law.

We are exempt from external control of sin and the law over us.

We have the power to determine how we want to live.

We are free, according to the ruling of God.

We are personally free, and we are not in slavery to the law which brings sin, and sin which brings death.

We are free from the obligation to live under the law.

We are free from ties to sin.

Galatians 5:1; 13-14 says, “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. […] For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’”

We have been set free, guys! Let’s see, what were we slaves to? Oh yeah, being confined by the law, being entwined in sin, and being condemned to death. BUT WE ARE FREE. Doesn’t sound too shabby, does it?

Why do we have freedom? Because of grace.

Our sin is not counted against us.

Should we keep on sinning, though? I mean, it’s not like we’re punished for it or anything. Romans 6:1-2 says “What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?”

I got a new computer about six weeks ago, and it is beautiful. It is fast, it is smart, it is clean and neat, it is light, and I believe that it makes my life oh-so-much better. I always enjoy working on my new computer.

I do have another computer that I used before, though. At first, it worked and I liked it, but after a few years, it got old. Now, it is old, slow, clunky and heavy, ugly, and unpleasant to work with. It makes me cringe every time I use it. My new computer is at least three times faster, and I can always count on it.

When I got it, I was ecstatic. I was so glad to be rid of what caused me so much trouble! But I had to learn how to work it and not let my old PC habits kick in. (The switch from a PC to a Mac is hard! But totally worth it to me.) After I learned how to use it, it came completely naturally to me and I would NEVER want to go back! I have a new computer now; it would just make my life worse to go back to use my old and broken one. What would be the sense in that???

I suppose the same thing happens in our lives too. When we do not know any better, we completely enjoy sin. After all, it is “fun”. If it wasn’t fun, why would we do it? So we continue on in sin, not knowing any better, and sort of enjoying ourselves in the process. But then we become Christians, and become new in Christ. We aren’t refurbished, we are NEW, and we still have the shrink-wrapping and tag. So, my question is, why do we want to keep feeding into the old nature (using the old, broken, clunky computer) when we can thrive by living for Christ (using the new, working, beautiful, and light computer)?

When we became Christians, we put away our sin nature. Because, perhaps we enjoyed using the broken computer for a while before we realized it was broken, but now that we have the new computer, why would we possibly want to use the old computer? It may take a while and work to get used to it, but still. Why would we want to go back?

Now that we have forgiveness and life and freedom in Christ, we can live our new lives without regret. We can live our new lives to the full, rejoicing in our salvation!

Yeah, we have freedom! But what would be the purpose of using our freedom – to use whichever computer we want – to go back to the old and broken system? Honestly, which one is better?

You know.

Living in sin is not at all fulfilling. Living in Christ is both currently and eternally fulfilling. Sin does not help us to grow or enjoy our salvation.

One day of growing in and knowing Christ is better than an entire life of fleeting-pleasure sin, my friends. Sin does not, will not, and cannot satisfy. However, a relationship with God through Christ can – and does.

Technically, we could live however we want. We *could* live in sin, because it is not counted against us. We *could* live for ourselves in never-satisfying worldly pleasure. We *could*. But we shouldn’t. Not just because “the Bible tells me so” – although it does – but because, we all know firsthand, that the world can not satisfy. We’ve all experienced it! You may try to convince yourself that you’re happy – but you can not truly find your satisfaction until your heart is set in the unfailing love of Christ. Trust me, I know. I’ve been there.

And it may seem counterintuitive to do so – but it’s worth every bit of life you put into living for Christ. Seriously. This isn’t our duty, it’s our joy.

Let’s use our freedom to live a worthwhile life. Are y’all with me?

*aj

May 12, 2015

It’s Not About Me.

Am I the only one that sometimes thinks that life is all about what I do?

“I gotta do this…I gotta accomplish that…I better make sure I do this thing…I couldn’t ever forget about that…” And on and on.

Because somehow, in the deep and dark recesses of my mind, there’s a little voice that sometimes says to me, “Amanda, you better do _______ or it’ll surely be the end of the world.”

Riiiiiightttt. And guess what? I fall for those stupid little tricks every time.

If I only do this, people will like me more.

If I only accomplish this faster, God will be more impressed with me.

If I would only dress this certain way, people would notice me and it would make my life better.

*groans*

Why is it so hard to remember that my life is not about me?!

Remember Ephesians 2:8-9, anyone? “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.”

Somehow or other, I forget this sometimes.

It. Does. Not Matter. How. I. Do. In. Life. Because. I’ve. Been. Given. Grace.

Because of my faith (ALONE!) I’ve been given grace, which has saved me. And guess what? This isn’t my own doing, because it’s a gift.

Imagine giving someone a gift that was extremely expensive and the only one in the world. Instead of them enjoying their gift (and being profusely thankful), they insist that they earned it because of everything they do for you. You simply shake your head and try to explain that what they do is great, but them receiving the gift has absolutely nothing to do with what they’re doing. You just love them and wanted to bless them. But they insist that they had something to do with it.

Human, you don’t get it. I gave you this gift because I love you. You couldn’t earn it, you weren’t even close. This was a gift, not a prize. Love, not payment. A blessing, not a reward.

And I have to relearn this every. single. day.

And guess what, everyone? God is giving me grace to relearn it every day. Because why?

2 Corinthians 12:9. “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

His grace is sufficient for me. There’s enough grace for me as there is enough water in the ocean for a baby krill.

Life isn’t about me, it’s about Him, and what He’s done for me.

It’s so easy for me to focus on my mistakes, comparing myself with others, and how good my performance turns out to be.

But I have to remember (I think we all do) that our gift of salvation rests not upon what we do, but upon His grace.

Because it doesn’t have to be about me.

*aj

May 5, 2015

The Future: Control, Loosened Feet, and Letting Go

To be completely honest, I have no idea where I’ll be a few years from now.

I have no idea what I’ll be doing, who I’ll be friends with, where exactly I’ll be at in school, where I’ll be living, nothing. I really don’t know.

To some people, this might seem like a horrible thing. NO CONTROL? WHAT ARE YOU, CRAZY?

(Yeah, I am. But it’s a good kind of crazy. You’ll see why.)

I can be a bit of a control freak at times. Really. I worry way too much about things sometimes. I wouldn’t encourage it, because it focuses on I and me too much. What I want. What’ll help me. (More like what I think that I want and will help me, but really won’t.)

I might make a million plans right now. Now this is hypothetical, and I haven’t thought through the answers to all of this, but I’ll do an example.

I’m going to go to ____ College.

I’m going to major in _______.

I’m going to have a career in _________.

I’m going to date ________ person, we’re going to get engaged and be engaged for ___ months, and our wedding theme and colors will be __________.

I’m going to have _________ many kids.

I’m going to buy a house by the ___________.

And so on and so forth. Maybe we don’t have it all figured out, but we dream (and plan out our ideas in our heads), and hold onto *that thing* as our security.

But *that thing* cannot be guaranteed. Why? Because we are not in control.

Proverbs 16:9 says, “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”

I’m not saying I haven’t made plans. I sure have. I mean, it’s very smart to plan ahead, but we cannot be so stuck on it that we don’t let God lead us.

James 4:13-15 sums this up pretty much the same way that I’m trying to explain.

“Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit’— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.’”

We should live with “loosened feet”. Feet that are free to move where God calls us. We can plan, but we must let God direct us. We are not in control; He is. We should live to do what God wills for us. By getting to know Him, He will show us. He will open and close doors for us, and He will guide us.

(Isaiah 30:21, “And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.”)

Like I said, I have absolutely no idea where I’ll be at in a few years, both physically and spiritually.

But that’s okay with me.

I’m not in control, but I know the One who is. And I trust that He knows what’s best for me.

As a matter of fact, I know that He knows what’s best for me. He knows what’ll bring me closer to Him. He has a purpose in everything, even if I can’t see it.

So I’ve let go.

It’s okay that I’m not in control. Because He is, and that’s all I need to know.

*aj

May 2, 2015

Covered by the Cross

Sometimes, I think we see ourselves as dirt.

Yeah, something like that. Like maybe we don’t feel like we are good enough.

Or we don’t believe that God hears our prayers because we think we are so sinful and hopeless…

But we’re not.

We’re not hopeless. We’re not seen as sinners anymore. We’re not living under the law. Why? The blood of Jesus rescued us.

Hebrews 10:19-23 says this to us in encouragement.

“Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.”

We have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus. Because of His death, we have communion and a relationship with God.

Because of the blood of Jesus, we are seen through the lens of His holiness. The curtain between God and us has been torn. His love for us broke the separation.

We have a full assurance of faith! Our hearts are sprinkled clean and we are counted pure. We have hope! And God is faithful.

That passage is soooooooo encouraging to me. See, I know that my sin nature is, well, sinful. Nobody needs to tell me that. HOWEVER. My sin does not define me, because it has been paid for. The blood of Jesus (via the cross) is what purifies me. Not by anything I’ve done, of course!

There’s one thing that’s the most important to know: The Cross is enough.

I can’t do anything to add to the finished work of Christ because it has already been done.

We are not perfect, but we are holy because of Christ. He has rescued us and poured His holiness over us.

There is nothing we can do to make Him love us more, to hear our prayers any better, to give us more blessings, to make us “less sinful”, to make us more joyful. It’s been done. We are loved infinitely, and we will never be loved or accepted by God any more than we already are.

The Cross covers it all.

We are pure. We are loved. We are adored. We are accepted. We are holy. We are blameless. We are redeemed. We are worthy. We are wanted. We are hope-filled. We are defined by the Cross. We are blessed. We are children of God. We are saved. We are good enough. We are righteous. We are forgiven. We are more than conquerors.

But why are we all these things?

We are all these things because of what Jesus has done. We are all these things, yet we cannot boast about it. Why? Because when we were undeserving, He came to save us.

Seriously, we did not do anything to earn this. It’s a free gift.

And that’s what makes it so AMAZING. We are forgiven because of the blood of our Savior.

We are holy, righteous, and redeemed. We are loved, and we are forgiven.

We need to live in light of that.

*aj

April 21, 2015

Why Do I Always Fall For The World’s Lies?

Psalm 37:4

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

Let me explain what I used to think this verse meant.

If I just read my Bible, pray, go to church, obey God, and love and serve Him, then He’ll give me what I want.

I don’t know if I fully understood that knowing God and loving Him was SERIOUSLY satisfying.

We’re all living in the world. (If you’re living in space right now, then hello! And yes, I’m talking to you too.) Every day, we hear messages from the world coming at us about what we “need”. “You need more money. You need more clothes. You need more stuff. You need to be dating. You need to be more beautiful/handsome. You need to be a perfect student. You need _____.” I think we all can fall for these things.

I mean, come on! Why else would we fall for the TV commercials that “promise” to do something for us?

One commercial that really bugs me is the mascara commercial that shows the woman with creepily long eyelashes and promises to give you longer and thicker eyelashes if you use their mascara. However, in the disclaimer, it says, “false eyelashes used in demonstration.” No joke.

This company has an interesting (if not deceptive) technique.

They obviously want people to buy their product, so they make it seem like all women need long and thick eyelashes, or they won’t be beautiful or happy.
They use this “fact” to their advantage by offering a product that supposedly can fix this problem.
They make it seem like the people that use their product are very beautiful and therefore happy.
The product sells because the majority of the women that see the commercial think that by using this mascara, they will be beautiful. And if you’re beautiful, that must mean that you’re happy, right?

Well, NO. The only satisfaction that you and I will ever get is the perfect satisfaction that comes from a relationship with God.

So why do I always fall for the world’s lies?

Why do I always think that God will give me “what I want” by my forcible compliance?

I’ve figured something out.

Delighting myself in the Lord comes before knowing what the desires of my heart truly are. I can’t just say, “God, I want ______. So from now until 9:30 P.M. on Friday night, I will delight in you, and after that, I know you’ll be faithful to gimme the [pointless and little] thing I want.”

No way.

It must go the other way around.

By delighting ourselves in the Lord, we find out what the desires of our hearts really are. For example, a desire of my heart is to get to know God better – but this is only because I have found my true satisfaction (by delighting) in Him. And guess what? I get to know Him more and more every day. And this makes me insanely joyful.

(I also talk about happiness vs. joy in my fist post, here.)

The desires of my heart have changed because I have found that He is truly what I need (and what I really want!).

Is that crazy? Well, maybe it sounds that way.

Perhaps the question we should be asking is, “Which do we want? Temporary earthly things that won’t satisfy for long? Or things – like

a thriving and growing relationship with the Author of your soul – that will satisfy forever?

I know what the desires of my heart are because I know the One who rescued my soul.

I know where True Love comes from.

I know who I really am.

Do you know?

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