I’m really excited for the release of Girl Defined, if you hadn’t noticed! I’ve been blasting Twitter with quotes, pictures, videos, and all that lovely stuff that comes with a book’s release.
Real Trust in The Lord
We’ve probably heard them all a thousand times. Written them on index cards, saved them as our lock screen wallpaper, pinned them, Tweeted them, and posted them on Facebook.
What is “them?”
Bible verses. The ones we memorized as Sunday School Kids, highlighted in our first Bibles, and became deaf to because we’d heard them so many times.
That Powerful Verse became absolutely cliché. Trust in the Lord, yada yada. For God so loved the world, blah blah blah. I’ve heard it all so many times. And it becomes un-life-changing, un-impressive, non-radical.
Think Before “Being Yourself.”
The empowering cultural message of today is “Be Yourself.”
And to be honest, that’s a pretty positive idea. Don’t try to fit yourself into the mold that everyone else is already in; be authentic and not fake; be uniquely you, in only the way you can be.
And in a world of unrealistically photoshopped models on magazines, pressure to be at the top, and an obsession with all the glitz and glamour of fame and riches, there’s a stark comparison of ideas we’re hearing: “Be the best,” and “Be yourself.”
“Be yourself” is generally much healthier of a message.
But it’s not where we can stop.
See, there are two sides to this issue.
The first? Don’t let anyone tell you who to be, or put pressure on you to be a pseudo-version of yourself.
But the second is toxic – don’t change who you are because only you know who you want to be.
Perhaps the word “toxic” is too harsh, but the point remains. If we think we’re all set with no room for the Holy Spirit to work in our lives, we mislead ourselves.
I know this verse is somewhat out of the context of the passage, but the truth remains:
1 John 1:8
“If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.”
By nature, we’re flawed, sinful humans. By simply embracing our selfish selves, we let sinful thoughts and actions reign over our existence. I’m not saying that we’re not saved, we’re just not going to mature and become more Christlike.
If being yourself means being snarky and self-centered, rude and “liberated” (aka do-whatever-you-want-without-limits), then no, you shouldn’t be yourself.
By gratifying the natural desires of the flesh, we decide that we know better. We make the decision to reject the Holy Spirit’s power in our lives and instead, indulge in attitudes and engagements that will end up hurting us later.
So where does that leave us? Is it good, or is it bad to embrace who we are?
It’s both.
It’s great to be yourself. In fact, if doing so helps you to maximize your life to grow in your faith and serve God, then by all means, go for it. We all have different personalities, appearances, passions, and dreams for a reason.
But if being yourself gives you the excuse to express yourself in ways that stunt your growth, give power to sin, or disregard the leading of the Holy Spirit, then stop.
Think.
Before listening to the so-called “empowering” message of embracing ourselves as we are, let us look above the noise and onto truth.
Will our actions lead us to God, or away from Him?
Will we be using them to serve Him, or just ourselves?
Will the glory go to us after all, or to God?
Does this help us to become the person God has for us to be?
In the end, these questions can only be answered by you. What are your intentions in embracing your inner self?
We can either use our lives to serve God, or serve ourselves – to scream about freedom in Christ or freedom in worldly living – to listen to the Holy Spirit or to listen to the Devil.
What will you choose today?
Today, I choose to think before instinctively being “myself.”
*aj
How to Help a Hurting Friend
Maybe I talk about hurt too much. Maybe I’ve mentioned depression and stress and anxiety and failure so often that I sound like I need serious help.
If I do, I’m sorry.
But we can’t ignore pain.
As I sit here at my computer, I’m gazing out the window at the wet earth around me.
It’s been raining for days. A bone-chilling draft penetrates my skin, enough so that nothing warms me, not even my cup of coffee, and my beef stew is long-since hot.
Sometimes, that’s what hurt feels like, whether it’s mental, emotional, or physical.
It’s uncomfortable, and not something easily shaken away. Pain lingers, with no button to press or Band-Aid to put on to make it all better.
I’ve been on both sides of hurt. I’ve had friends in need, and I myself have had times like those as well.
Perhaps you’re mainly on the other side of things; watching friends suffer, and not knowing how to help them. Or maybe you’re the hurting one. Maybe people see you in need of help and ask, “What can I do for you?” and you simply respond, “Nothing, I’m good,” with a fake smile plastered on, reminiscent of Barbie.
But no matter how strong we are, or at least how strong we pretend to be, we’re all weak on the inside. We all need people around us to support us and help us to heal.
Are you wondering how to help a hurting friend? Here are three ways.
Pray For Them.
There’s nothing more beautiful and powerful than prayer. When a friend tells you, “I’ve been praying for you,” it’s touching. To think that someone would take the time to implore the Creator of the universe on our behalf is one of the kindest things we can hear.
Yes, because it’s a thoughtful gesture, but more so because we know that prayer works. Perhaps not always in the fix-it-quick way we might think, but in the way that God knows is best.
Sometimes, I can feel that someone’s been praying for me, when a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I just feel free.
It’s a blessing to get a text a little while later, saying, “Hey Amanda, I prayed for you today. How are you doing?”
Wow.
James 5:16
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”
Stay With Them.
It’s almost hypocrisy to flee upon finding out someone’s aching, after promising to be there for them.
It’s easy to walk out of a friendship when the person’s fallen into difficult days, for it requires no energy on our part.
But please, I beg of you, if you want to help your hurting friend, stick by them. Stay alongside them when they tell you they’re “fine.” Don’t judge them when they refuse help – sometimes, they’re just testing you to see if you’ll remain by their side, because it’s what they really need.
Don’t give up on your friend. Forgive them if they’ve damaged your friendship. Keep loving them, even when they act like they don’t want to be loved. Trust me, they do.
Proverbs 17:17
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
Galatians 6:2
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
Encourage Them.
Encouragement is incredible. It has an innate power to keep us running when we want to give up. It inspires us to push on toward our goals. It motivates us to get out of bed in the morning because we know we are cared for.
Whether sharing Bible verses, sweet, comforting words, sending a care package or letter, or just letting someone know that they’re not alone, encouragement of all kinds is a blessing.
To your hurting friend (or perhaps even you), it may mean the world.
And don’t give up. Keep encouraging them and lavishing the love of Christ on your friend.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”
*aj
Dear Reader: You Are Beautiful
Dear Reader, you are beautiful.
When you wake up in the morning and slip out of your bed, you are beautiful.
When you stand in front of your mirror, with hair disheveled and shadows under your eyes, you are beautiful.
You are beautiful in your pajamas, the ones you hope no one will ever have to see, with skin blemished, covered in acne or freckles or wrinkles.
Your hair is frizzy, skin is bumpy, and your body’s discolored – but you are beautiful.
That person in the mirror – the one you criticize for your imperfections, will into being thinner, pinch into being prettier, make up to cover imperfections – that person is the one that God loves.
God loves the person in the mirror without nice clothes, without a status or title, without a nice scent, without makeup or product or styling.
God loves that person because He is their Creator. And that person is you.
Don’t believe the lie that being beautiful doesn’t apply to you. Don’t believe the lie that says you are not enough. Don’t believe that you couldn’t possibly be loved, that you could never receive the free love that God gives.
Dear Reader, I beg of you, please do not fall prey to the misconception that you are the exception. God sees you as beautiful because He sees His Son’s perfection inside of you, radiating from every part of you.
He sees you as beautiful because He looks at your heart; that same heart that He has made as pure as snow and called holy and blameless.
1 Samuel 16:7b
“For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
He sees you as beautiful because you were made in His image.
Genesis 1:27
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”
God has made you with care and wonder.
Psalm 139:14
“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”
And you are beautiful because God promises it.
Ecclesiastes 3:11a
“He has made everything beautiful in its time.”
As you stare at yourself in the mirror, curling and straightening and setting your hair, applying powder to your face to hide your scars and blotches and bumps, and dressing in the perfect outfit, remember that you are loved regardless of it all.
Remember that God sees you as beautiful, and loves you in spite of all your imperfections.
You were created in love, given a beautiful life to live, and a blank slate that God is using to write His story.
Forget the pressures of who everyone wants you to be, and come to your Father – blemished, messy, and exactly how He wants to see you: as you.
Friend, never forget that you are beautiful, and that you are loved. You can do nothing to change this truth, for everything you are is loved by the One who invented you.
He imagined your personality before you existed, and He called it good. He knew your thoughts before your parents knew you, and He loved you.
Never doubt how God feels about you, Dear Reader. He loves you, and He calls you beautiful.
*aj
You Are Not a Failure. I Promise.
I don’t know when exactly the thought enters our minds, but somewhere along the line, it just creeps in.
You are a failure.
Maybe we’ve overcommitted (I know I have) and been unsuccessful in getting everything done well or on time. Maybe we just didn’t live up to the standards we put on ourselves.
Maybe we think the reason why we’re single is that we’re failures; not pretty enough, not charming enough, too awkward or dumb, or just bad at this whole “life on earth” thing.
Maybe we’ve flunked multiple tests in a row. Been rejected by those whom we once thought were friends. Made poor decisions that affected more than just our own selves.
Maybe we’ve been hurt by others and led to believe that it was our fault. That if we had just [insert action here]-ed, we would not have had to go through our pain.
But, my friend, none of those things makes you a failure.
You are not a failure; I promise you that. Sure, bad decisions can be made, and things can be done to harm us. But we are not considered failures by the One who saved us.
Our failures do not determine our worth, just as our sins do not condemn us now. Why? Because we have been redeemed, and we are loved no matter what.
Just as swimming doesn’t make me a fish, eating carrots doesn’t make me a bunny, and growing doesn’t make me a plant, failing does not make me a failure.
Because I have been redeemed by Jesus’ blood, my God does not count me as a failure.
Sure, I’ll fail. I’ll fail tests, I’ll fail to live up to people’s expectations, I’ll fail to please the people I love, I’ll fail to be perfect, I’ll fail to meet my goals I set for myself.
But it’s okay. Because God does not see me as a failure.
He sees the righteousness of His Son in me.
2 Corinthians 5:21
“For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”
He has overwritten my old nature and given me a new one, that my past might not stain me.
2 Corinthians 5:17
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”
I am called a Child of God.
Romans 8:15
“For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’”
Maybe you’re tempted to call yourself a “failure” or a “disappointment” or you’re constantly beating yourself up over what you’ve done, and possibly what you’re still doing.
But no matter who you are or what you’ve done, God’s grace covers you, no exceptions.
It’s okay to drop your labels and just come to Him. Come as you are. Messy pieces and all.
And I want you to know that once you have been forgiven, you will never be considered by God to be a failure.
No.
You are a holy Child of God. You are sacred, you are His. You are cherished. You are considered blameless before Him. Nothing, and I repeat nothing, can take His love away from you.
And even when you fail, He does not see you as a failure.
*aj
More Of My Book: Mending (+ free wallpaper!)
Happy Tuesday, lovely readers. I hope you’ve had a wonderful week.
Tuesday always creeps up on me and I almost forgot to post. But I suppose I didn’t, since I’m here now.
I was inspired this week by one of Ann Voskamp’s blog posts. It made me cry (in a good way), and I highly recommend reading it. Her writing is exquisite.
Anyway, I wanted to share the final segment of chapter one of my book. I’m at 13k right now, and because April so far has just been chaotic and impossible, I’ve brought my goal down to 20k. That doesn’t mean anything significant – it just means I’ll be writing at a more manageable pace.
My book is turning out to be different than I imagined, but I’m really happy with it. And my cabin mates – Hannah, Jonathan, Hann, Jessi, Anna, Rachel, another Anna, and a few others still – are some of the most encouraging people I’ve met. I’ve accomplished more than I ever would’ve without the encouragement.
Today’s segment is on depression. Sound depressing? Maybe. It’s a tough topic. But instead of giving us the excuse to wade neck-high in self pity over our feelings, I want us to find hope in the truth that we have to hold onto.
Enjoy!
The word depression used to frighten me. I thought of teenagers sitting alone in their rooms, wearing all black, blasting rock music, and choosing not to be happy. It was always a touchy subject in my mind, and a bit intimidating.
But then I experienced depression of my own and my entire perspective changed.
Contrary to popular belief, depression is not a bad word, nor is it entirely a bad thing. We shouldn’t act as though topics such as depression should be avoided; rather, we should confront the problems we have without shame.
The problems arise when we allow our depression to control us. Bad things happen when we let our minds wander much too far, when we allow ourselves to think such negative, distorted thoughts, and when we trade God’s truths for our feelings.
And as much as depression has become such a cultural norm, and it should not be brushed under the rug as “a ploy for attention,” we need to face it and learn how not to be consumed by it.
What is Depression? Can Christians Be Depressed?
As I’ve said before, I have nowhere near all the answers. I’m not a professional. I’m just a girl wanting to share what I’ve experienced and what I’m learning in my crazy life, and the things that have immensely helped me.
I know that depression can have multiple forms, none of which should be taken lightly.
Whether your depression is medical, clinical, or emotional, it hurts. I know it does. It hurts to feel empty. It hurts to feel like nothing matters. It hurts to feel constantly weighted by a seemingly unshakable dark cloud. It hurts, because depression is a fog, and you can’t see anything in front of you except the inky blackness. All that’s visible is the here and now, which can seem to be so overwhelming when everything feels utterly hopeless.
People often attempt to say that Christians can’t suffer from depression for the simple reason that our lives should be in total order once we’re saved. Or, that being depressed is a sin or a petty feeling and we should just get over it.
I highly disagree.
Instead, I’d say this. Christians often suffer from depression, and torture themselves over it because they believe they shouldn’t feel the pain or numbness. This only leads to feeling worse, because you can’t just whip yourself out of a mindset or condition – especially one that’s not even a spiritual problem in the first place. Healing is a process. If it’s medical or clinical depression, a person will need medical attention, and not just lectures from someone ordering them to “snap out of it.” Similarly, those with emotional depression will need time to heal. Time to rebuild the joy in their hearts. No amount of sermons, books, blog posts, lectures, or conversations can heal a tormented soul – only God can.
Is There Anything I Can Do About My Depression?
What sets us apart from the rest of the world is the fact that we have a hope to hold onto. We know that God will hold us up when our weakness is the greatest. We know that God cares for us and loves us unconditionally. We know that in our Lord, we can find true rest. We know that God’s presence is with us always. We know that in our lowest times, God still reaches us. We know that even when life is full of torment, God loves us and wants us to rely on Him for strength.
Hearing those things doesn’t make everything instantly feel better; of course it doesn’t. It may take years to grasp those concepts, even the ones found in the verses we memorized as kids. In the middle of our depression, those truths, while comforting, may seem distant or not applicable to us. This is normal. We’ve trained our minds to think things contrary to truth, and it’s only natural for it to take time for us to come back to what’s right and good.
Nevertheless, we must keep feeding our minds with what the Bible says. Thinking the thoughts that God says about us. Reading the Scriptures over and over. Praying for God to bring us through. Meditating on verses that remind us that God has a plan through it all. Believing God for the strength and peace He promises.
And while none of these things are magic, they help. And slowly, with the proper approach and by filling our minds with truth, we can begin to mend.
*aj
Still reading? Enjoy a free wallpaper!
More of My Book! (Theme: Overcoming Anxiety)
Hi again, friends!
Whoa. I can’t believe it’s already Tuesday again.
Last Tuesday, I was in Puerto Rico with a really close friend of mine, Gabriela, and our families. It was AMAZING. Gabs and I stayed up really late writing for NaNoWriMo and blogging and talking and baking and watching movies and laughing.
So I miss that. A lot. Here’s a picture of us in a coffee shop drinking expensive and delicious latte frappes, all the while pretending like I would never have to go home.
And here’s us under a nice tree with the ocean in the background, in the SWELTERING sun, trekking through famous forts and ports and such.
I mention all this because…it was in Puerto Rico where I started writing my book.
Hadn’t heard the news? Yep, I’m writing a book! I shared the news last Saturday, and you can read about that here. And then, because I was really excited about it, I decided to share a portion of my first chapter of that book. Want to read it if you haven’t already? Right here.
As I said last Tuesday, the format and style is a little different than a regular blog post of mine. Why? Because while writing is writing, blogging and book-writing are two totally different arts. I find books to be a bit more formal, but can still take on different tones based on audiences.
So apparently, you all liked my sneak peek that I shared (???). I got so much encouragement, and it inspired me so much, so I decided to share another snippet.
For those of you who aren’t interested, don’t worry. My Saturday post will be a regular one, and if I continue to share sections, that’ll only be a Tuesday occurrence.
Today’s segment of chapter 1 is on anxiety.
That is, anxiety over the past, the present, the future, and how to overcome it all.
Anxiety Over the Past
Have you ever done something that you thought was a good idea at the time, and later realized how stupid it was? And then regretted it for years?
Yes, I think we all have. Whether we’ve done something that has hurt ourselves or has hurt someone else, we all have things we wish we hadn’t done. Things we feel would make life oh-so-much better if they hadn’t happened.
I can only “get” so much of what regret feels like, seeing as though I’m only a teenager, but we all have things that weigh on us because we feel guilty.
And for a lot of us, we can become anxious because of it, and for a few reasons.
We may be afraid that healing is impossible. We may be afraid that we’ll never be forgiven. We may be afraid that we’ll repeat our mistakes. These are valid feelings and fears – but we cannot live bogged down by what is in the past.
Anxious fear, while it is completely legitimate and we should not try to explain it away, is not to be suffered in alone.
God has made us new in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). He does not count our pasts against us, so why should we do it of ourselves?
Why should we live chained to the fear that we’ll mess up again?
Why should we live so caught up in what is over and done that we miss what is right in front of us?
God has forgiven us, and He wants to see us forgive ourselves. To move on, to focus on the greater things He has for us.
Oh, again, this isn’t some easy task that requires the push of a button and three clicks of our heels. Healing from anxiety over the past takes time, but God loves us and His patience never runs out on us. He’s always there for us to come back to and see our worth, to see that we’re forgiven, to see that we’re loved, and to know that He will never leave us to handle our problems alone.
Anxiety Over the Present
Present anxiety seems to me to be the toughest to deal with.
The panic of, “What am I doing?!” and “Where am I supposed to be?” and “How do I know if people actually care about me?”
Friends, I know what it feels like.
I know what it feels like to sit paralyzed, holding the phone, not knowing if I should call someone because I’m terrified to be rejected.
I know what it’s like to lay in my bed and cry for what feels like an eternity because I’m so afraid I’m going to mess up my life.
I have felt every ounce of pain when I’m convinced I must be doing the wrong thing, or I picked the wrong career path, or I’ve come so far that I can’t be fixed.
It’s paralyzing and petrifying, and that’s when I’m the most anxious.
See, I know the Bible says to be anxious for nothing in Philippians 4, and that by prayer, we should let our requests be known to God and He will give us peace.
I know all the verses. I know I should cast my cares on Him because He really does care for me.
But when I am in the middle of it, I freeze. I forget that there is a solution to my misery. I forget that I am loved and counted righteous no matter what I do. I feel like I have no hope.
But my feelings are incorrect. The feelings – those same feelings that are such a part of my personality – are wrong about one thing: Truth.
The truth that God will never leave me or forsake me, especially when I’m struggling, is never more true than when I feel like I’m alone.
The truth that I am loved with an everlasting love is not conditional, for it does not change when I feel unlovable.
The truth that I can be content and have joy in all situations is not dependent on my material possessions or circumstances, but upon a God who does not change.
When I feel the most anxious over what’s going on in my life, when I’m paralyzed with fear, and when it hurts like it never has before, the promises of God still stand.
Anxiety Over the Future
I once was utterly panicked over where I’d be in the years ahead.
In middle school and in the years before, I had absolutely no desire to go to college because I was afraid that I’d change my mind about what I wanted to do.
One day, I wanted to be a teacher. The next, I wanted to be a hairdresser. A week later, I decided I wanted to be a writer, and a little after that, I decided writing was much too difficult and I’d like to simply be a mother instead.
Thinking about the future – five, ten, fifteen years in advance – sent me into a bit of a panic. What if I get a degree in something that I decide I hate? What if the first day on my dream job is a flop and I start questioning my existence? What if I fail? What if I never marry?
And the panic-filed “what-ifs” cluttered my mind until my future planning almost became nonexistent.
Of course I knew that anxiety wasn’t really healthy for me. Of course I’d been told that God was in control. But did I believe it? I don’t know if I did.
Somewhere in my mind, and I assume in the minds of others, we think that we have to do everything alone. I think we have it in our minds that God holds the future, but hold in our hearts the burden that we have to handle everything ourselves. While this seems like such a paradox, it’s a prevalent mindset.
In a way, it’s connected to the stress ordeal – we think we must handle everything, know everything, be in control. But we don’t.
The best liberation from anxiety over the future is knowing that God is bigger than anything. He is bigger than our stress, He is bigger than our anxiety and fears. Nothing surprises Him, and nothing is too hard for Him to handle.
But what about our pain? What about the fact that life is really scary and unpredictable, and so many times we really don’t know what to do?
Pain exists. Anxiety is real. But God is more powerful than anything we struggle with, and He is worthy of our trust. He’ll never let us down.
It’s not worth it to live in a state of anxiety, yet in those times, we must cling to God the most instead of running from Him. Can life be terrifying? Absolutely. But nothing is terrifying to God. He wants us to run to Him in our pain so that we can grow in our relationship with Him.
Is it hard? Yeah, it is. And I won’t pretend that I know it all or that I have a perfect life.
But whatever the state of our lives may be, God does not change. He always wants us to look to Him in the midst of our problems. No, we can’t do this life alone – and that, friends, is alright.
*aj
Scattered Journal Pages 